A rocket till summer, or on the summer body and sexism in gyms.
“I’ve finally joined a gym so I can get ready for summer in time. I want to get the perfect summer body,” a very dear friend proudly announced over lunch on what seemed like a perfectly ordinary weekend.
“What are you talking about? What summer body? You have a body, go to the beach, simple as that.
How is it possible that you fall for that kind of social pressure, that men and women alike have to look a certain socially conditioned way to be able to enjoy summer?” I said, slightly shocked, unable to hold my tongue.
Not to mention that he is in the prime of his twenties and has a perfectly normal build, so the very idea of him giving in to that kind of pointless pressure, reaching perfection, whatever that means, simply didn’t fit my picture of the reality young people live in today.
I lived in the belief that we millennials were the last generation indoctrinated to hate our bodies and to constantly strive for some Apollonian ideal that exists only with the help of Photoshop.
Gen Z was supposed to be free and to accept themselves as they are, right?
The second shock was that this kind of “worry” about looks was coming out of the mouth of a young man, because until then I had heard sentences like that almost exclusively from women.
It gave me a new perspective on the whole issue, because clearly men also care a great deal about how others see them and whether they meet some unrealistic standard set by the media.
Pink Machines, for the Girls
The discussion didn’t stop there, it was only gaining momentum. We started comparing gyms in town, not just by price but also by what they offer. And then the young man says, completely casually:
“At our gym there’s a section just for women, and of course all the machines there are pink.”
To which I, thinking out loud, said:
“Hm, if a gym has a separate section for women, something is seriously wrong there. In other words, they know from the start what kind of clientele they get, so a move like that is necessary.”
“What do you mean?”
“Personally, I would never go to a gym with a separate women’s section, because to me that’s a sign that women aren’t safe there and that’s why they get a section of their own.”
And I hit the nail on the head, because he confirmed my point:
“Well, yes, I’ve noticed there are little groups of men who react pretty loudly and inappropriately, commenting on the women walking through the gym on their way to that separate section.”
There we go.
And so it begins…
Then another friend, already in his thirties, chimes in:
“Well, it really isn’t okay how some women come to the gym these days. They dress provocatively on purpose, in tight leggings and sports bras, so it’s no wonder men react.”
I couldn’t see my own face at that moment, but I imagine it was the equivalent of a jaw hitting the floor in disbelief, like in cartoons.
There was no time to count to ten or to practise Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory. A red light with a full alarm went off in my head and the angry feminist had to react, here and now.
“Male Nature” as an Excuse
“Wait a minute, do you really think women go to the gym to ‘provoke’ men?!”
“Well, you know, it used to be that they dressed normally for the gym, they came to work out in tracksuits and baggy T-shirts, and now that has changed and they dress far too provocatively. And then they complain when people comment on them.”
“Easy, easy… First of all, a woman has the right to dress however she wants and however she feels comfortable, and believe me, 99% of women dress the way they do for themselves, not for men, whether they’re going for a walk or to the gym, it makes no difference.
What matters to us is feeling good in our own skin, not drawing comments that make us feel uncomfortable and afraid for our safety.
And secondly, news flash, women go to the gym to exercise and work on THEIR OWN bodies, not to provoke immature men.”
“Well, what do they expect then? It’s in men’s nature to react to external stimuli.”
There we go.
“That’s not actually an argument, because men are not animals who can’t control their urges. When you need the loo, you don’t stop in the middle of the street and do your business, do you? You look for the nearest toilet.
That’s called controlling your natural urges, which every living being has, regardless of sex.
On the other hand, you and other men react to ‘sexualised’ stimuli because SOCIETY lets you react under that very excuse. It has nothing to do with nature, nothing at all.
As Simone de Beauvoir says in her landmark work The Second Sex:
one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman. The same goes for men.
For centuries men have been allowed to be men, or “boys will be boys”, while female sexuality was suppressed to the point where it would be best if it didn’t exist at all.
And if it has to exist, then only for reproduction or purely for the pleasure of those same men with their ‘natural urges’.
Let’s not forget that in the Western, mostly Christian world, the female ideal is the Virgin Mary, a woman so completely asexual that she conceived immaculately, thereby not only fulfilling the main female role, becoming a mother, but also being set up as an unattainable ideal for all the women who came into this world after her.
So all the others who don’t strive for that are whores.
By that logic, a woman can be either a saint or a whore, there’s nothing in between. All in all, society defines a woman solely by how a man sees her, not by how she feels.
Besides, with that comment you are one step away from justifying rape with the question ‘what was she wearing’, and I honestly believe that’s not what you want.” I admit I got a liiittle heated.
“That has nothing to do with it!”
“That’s where you’re wrong, because it’s exactly premises like that which lead to those justifications. Anyway, let’s put it like this: how would you feel if your girlfriend came home from the gym all upset because some guys there had been making comments while she was working out? Would you first ask her ‘what were you wearing?’ or would you want to break those idiots’ noses?”
“That’s different!”
“The point is that it isn’t. All women, whether they have a direct connection to you or not, should be treated with respect, not as sexual objects made for male eyes and rude comments.”
As a woman who goes to the gym regularly, I know for certain that almost none of my “comrades-in-arms” go to a workout thinking “what shall I wear today so that men will look at me”.
I go to the gym to exercise, for myself, for my health, for my body and for the good feeling after a workout.
Lately Sofia comes with me to almost every workout. While I train, she reads or listens to her little stories. Everyone adores her, and I can see the sparkle in her eyes while she watches me train.
That’s why I go to the gym: to be a role model, strong and healthy for my daughter.
And I would certainly not take her to a gym where grown women don’t feel safe, let alone little girls.
I happily pay a high monthly fee, and I chose a studio with no “special section with machines for women”, where the members are considerably older and serious people, and lo and behold, people go there to work out, not to “check out” others.
On the contrary, when I see women and men in their sixties and seventies training devotedly next to me, it motivates me even more to come regularly, so that I not only live to their age but am just as vital and fit as they are.
I have always admired women who have enough confidence to train in a sports bra and leggings, regardless of their age or how toned their bodies are.
That was my goal too: to be happy enough with myself and my body that one day I could also feel good dressed like that. And I reached that goal.
For more than half a year now I have been training in exactly that outfit myself.
And when I look in the mirror, I think “damn girl, you look good”, and that’s how I motivate myself to keep training and get even better FOR MYSELF!
I don’t go to the gym to fish for other people’s compliments, and I believe no woman does, or very few. I’m sure there are women who enjoy it, but they are the exception rather than the rule.
And I have nothing against that, on the contrary, you do you.
But the point of the story is that men have neither the biological nor the social right to comment on how women dress or to justify their bad behaviour with nature and urges.
Double Standards
It’s socially acceptable for men to walk down the street without a shirt and nobody complains, but if a woman walked down the street without a top and bra, everyone would turn around, protest and probably even call the police.
Male nipples are socially acceptable, even on social media, while female ones are vulgar, sexualised and strictly censored.
And that has nothing to do with nature, only with norms imposed by society.
Sadly, for centuries the female body has been sexualised and presented only as an object for men’s pleasure and for reproduction.
In her book on exactly this topic, “Women Don’t Owe You Pretty”, author Florence Given sums up the whole problem brilliantly:
“Objects don’t have to be empowered, they are objects.”
This approach means that, for men, women are not subjects who can decide for themselves how to dress, but merely objects that exist for male eyes and needs, under the excuse “because that’s male nature”.
The biggest defeat is when women themselves accept this pattern and I hear them say “he’s a man, men work differently and can’t hold back, so we women use our sexuality as a weapon to get what we can, because that’s male nature”.
Woman is a wolf to woman, again?!
Comments like that are proof that patriarchy has deeply poisoned even the minds of strong, emancipated women.
For centuries this “argument” has served men as an excuse to behave towards women the way they do. And it’s not only about gyms, but about every area of life, including the workplace.
This pattern allows men to hire only a certain type of woman, not based on what she knows or has to say, but solely on whether they find her attractive or not.
And we women should stick together, not judge each other by how we look, whether at the gym, at work or in the street.
If you want to come to work in full make-up and a miniskirt, you can, and in the same way, if I want to go to the gym in shorts and a sports bra, I can.
Neither way of dressing says which of us is “smarter” or more competent.
Nor does it invite men to comment or, God forbid, to react.
“Women Don’t Owe You Pretty”
News flash, we don’t do everything in life just for male eyes and pleasure, in fact quite the opposite.
Every one of us has so many times put on something “more decent” before going out precisely to avoid unpleasant looks and even more unpleasant comments.
The problem is so widespread that it has its own name: catcalling.
Catcalling, shouting at women in the street, often sexually suggestive or insulting, is recognised as a form of sexual harassment and street violence, and in several countries it is already banned and punishable by law.
Let’s change perspective.
How would you, dear stronger sex, feel if we women behaved like men for just one day?
If we sat in groups and loudly commented on every one of you who walked past us in a tight shirt or trousers?
And if one of you complained, we would casually reply “it’s not our fault, it’s just our nature”.
I’m sure you wouldn’t like it, would you?
Breaking news, women are not on this planet to please you or serve you, sorry to disappoint you.
The sooner you wake up from the patriarchal dream, the easier it will be for you.
And who knows, maybe you’ll realise that neither you nor we need a “summer body”.
And that each of us should train for our own health, not to meet some unattainable social norms.
Let’s stop being objects, because, honey, we are strong empowered SUBJECTS!
Warmly,
S-Mama
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