Is it possible to change — and is it even a good thing?

That’s a question I’ve been actively sitting with for a while now, through self-observation and reflection. Who am I today, compared to who I was ten or even five years ago? Who did I think I’d become — and who have I actually become? And who would I be if I’d made different choices?

Unlike many people who believe that humans never truly change — that we’re some fixed given with no real influence over our own lives — I deeply believe not only in change itself, but in the growth that inevitably comes with it.

I Believe in Change — and the Progress That Comes With It

One evening, after the nightly ritual of putting Sofie to bed, Marko and I were sitting in our new living room — exhausted, like every evening — drinking tea and talking about everything under the sun. In that conversation, something clicked that had always been there but never quite been said out loud: on the Balkans, being told “you’ve changed” is considered just about the worst insult someone can throw at you. It almost never refers to personal or professional growth — the moment you step outside someone else’s expectations, the easiest thing to do is write you off with “you’re not who you used to be.”

I, on the other hand, think “you’ve changed” is a compliment. Full stop. And now I finally understand the confused looks on people’s faces when they’d say to me — and it happened more than once — “you’ve changed, you’ve become such a German” or “you’ve changed, I don’t like your new haircut.”

A change that’s visible, a change that others notice — to me, that’s proof that the work I’ve been putting into myself has paid off.

The road to where I am now — mentally and physically — was anything but easy. And thank God for that.

Thank God I’m no longer that naive girl full of prejudices toward anything different or unfamiliar. Thank God my first thought when I hit an obstacle is no longer “I can’t do this.” I love that I can hold my Sofka right in the middle of a supermarket tantrum without flinching — even though before she was born I was absolutely convinced my child would never cry in public, and that kids who made noise outside were either spoiled or badly raised.

I’m genuinely thrilled when I see my “boyish” haircut in the mirror and feel beautiful and powerful because of it — even though just five years ago the thought of cutting even two centimeters off my hair made me anxious. I love that taking out the trash no longer fills me with dread — it’s a household chore like any other.

I’m so proud of myself for going from “I will never learn German” to living in Germany for seven years — not only speaking it every day, but finishing my Master’s degree in it. I enjoy Đorđe Miljenović’s music, even though I used to “despise” Sky Wikluh. I love that I can choose which language to read my next book in. I can’t wait for gyms to open again — it’s honestly what I miss most during this whole COVID situation, even though the thought of a fitness studio used to make me cringe.

The list of little things I notice in myself is way too long for a single post. But the point is always the same — I change, therefore I am.

And I can’t wait to see who I’ll be in a few years, when I look back at who I am today.

Why Are People Afraid of Change?

Change means, first and foremost, stepping outside familiar boundaries. The simplest equation in most people’s heads goes like this: familiar = safe, change = uncertainty.

So it’s “scary” to leave a job you’ve been doing for years, because that’s where you feel secure. “Scary” to move to a new city — let alone a different country. “Scary” to find new friends. But why, exactly?

There are people in our lives who stay exactly the same — and wear it as a badge of honor. They retell the same stories from primary school or high school with the same enthusiasm every single time, and they’d give anything to go back to those days, “because it was so great back then.” But what do those people actually know about who you are today? About your highs and lows, your struggles and successes, what drives you? Probably nothing.

Yes, it was nice back then — and that’s probably why we were close in the first place. But that time has passed. Now we’re making new memories and moving forward — either by accepting each other for who we are today, or simply by going our separate ways. I love looking back on the “old days,” but I wouldn’t go back to any period of my life for anything in the world, simply because I love where I am right now.

You Can’t Live Off Memories

I love my family; my independence; my freedom to be who I want to be; to dress the way I want; to read a book in a café, a park, or on the bus without anyone raising an eyebrow; to wear zero makeup and feel better than I ever did with it; to be proud of what I know and keep building on it — instead of feeling less worthy or less “cool” because of my success; to make mistakes and learn from them; to have someone next to me who constantly pushes me forward, instead of someone who makes me feel guilty for doing well.

Yes, there were good times, and I think back on them warmly. But you can’t live off memories. And relationships that exist only on the basis of shared history — with nothing real left between us today — those aren’t relationships I want in my life.

Nature is constantly changing. Why shouldn’t we?

Changing isn’t the scariest thing in the world. Try it — it’s easier than it sounds, and it feels incredible.

Don’t let anyone hold back your growth just because they expect you to stay exactly the same.

Give yourself — and others — permission to change.

And let’s work together to turn “you’ve changed” into a compliment. Trust me, it’s easier than you think.

Warmly,

S-Mama