Have you ever stopped to think about which of your beliefs, habits, and expectations are genuinely yours — and how much of it is just what other people expect of you? We’re social creatures, and of course we’re shaped from the moment we’re born — by our parents, our community, society, school… the list never ends.

But what happens so often is that we carry certain beliefs without ever questioning them, just because they feel like a given. And the moment we actually start examining them, we realize: this isn’t what I want for myself. This isn’t something I should realistically expect of myself either. It was just quietly installed in my head somewhere along the way.

What Does Society Expect of Us?

Take this, for example: we all have to find a life partner by a certain age — one we absolutely cannot live with outside of marriage (and who, of course, has to be of the opposite sex) — spend our entire lives with them, and in due time produce at least two children.

Then there’s academic success, good behavior, keeping up appearances. For women especially, it’s simply assumed: be a good wife, an excellent homemaker who not only runs a spotless household but also cooks better than Jamie Oliver, raises perfectly behaved children (who never fuss, never scream, never cry — you know, unlike actual children), looks like a runway model, must never gain weight, but also must never look too thin — and I could go on until tomorrow listing everything a woman is apparently required to do.

And yet — we don’t have to do any of it. And since we don’t owe anyone anything, we also don’t get to interrogate or judge others for doing any of these things differently. Live your life and let others live theirs. Simple as that.

But is it, though?

Why does a smart, beautiful, educated woman in her mid-twenties need to have a partner — one she’ll also be expected to marry soon?

Why does a young couple, barely settled into life together, have to immediately start “delivering” babies on demand — to family, to society, to whoever’s keeping score?

Why do we, as a society, put this much pressure on each other — just to prove that we’re doing things the right way, or better than someone else?

To be clear — I’m not claiming to have discovered anything new. Most of what I’m talking about here has been studied in sociology, social psychology, and feminist theory for decades. I know I’m not reinventing the wheel. But the fact that something has always been this way doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it — or fight back against it.

I got married at 23. And that alone was a “problem.” “Why” was the question I heard most. Everyone had a theory — I must be pregnant, I must be marrying for a visa, I was too young, on and on (I probably can’t even fully imagine how many theories were floating around — and honestly, I couldn’t care less). Almost nobody just… skipped the comments and was genuinely happy for me.

And then, of course, came the question everyone was waiting to ask: “So, when are you two having kids?”

And the moment Sofka arrived, the next one was already ready: “So, are you thinking about a second one?“

Where does it end?

How long are we supposed to keep meeting other people’s expectations — especially when those people know nothing about us or our lives?

Is it a sin to not want more than one child? Or is it a bigger sin to want five?

Is it wrong to be single and genuinely happy on your own — but perfectly fine to stay in a relationship that doesn’t work, just so you can say you’re not alone?

Is it really that outrageous for a woman to want to be a mother and earn more than her husband?

How Other People’s Expectations Quietly Wear You Down

Whether we want to admit it or not — all of these expectations create stress. At some point, they get to all of us, no matter how educated or emancipated we are. And the worst part? They make us feel like we’re worth less than we actually are.

Is that really the goal?

Nobody says — hey, look at you, living abroad on your own, no financial support, studying, keeping everything together — instead, everyone zeros in on the one thing you haven’t checked off the list. And they hold onto it, just to have something to criticize you for.

I’m not saying men have it easier — they deal with judgment and expectations too. But I’m not a man, so I can’t write about that from personal experience.

If we’ve run out of things to talk about, silence is better than spending our time comparing and pointing fingers at other people’s so-called “mistakes” — that aren’t mistakes at all.

Nobody gets to be in charge of someone else’s life. It doesn’t matter how close they are to you. We’ve spent enough time justifying ourselves to people who had no business asking.

This cycle has to end sometime. Why not now? Today. Right now.

Let’s flip it: the person asking intrusive questions and offering opinions where none were requested should be the one feeling embarrassed. Not the person on the receiving end.

Just stop. And it will stop.

Warmly,

S-Mama