A little while ago, as I was washing the dishes like I do every day before heading off to pick Sofka up from kindergarten, something so seemingly obvious popped into my head. And yet, for me, it was a real revelation.

You see, today I don’t have to pick Sofia up, because her aunt is collecting her and taking her to ballet.

Which means only one thing: I get two extra hours of “free time”. And what am I going to do with them?

It’s too early to start dinner, the dishes are almost done, I’ve finished work for the day, I just need to take Beni out and then I can… Well, actually, I have no idea what?!

Why Does a Mom’s Brain Go Blank the Moment Her Child Leaves?

I think this is the classic “mom’s free time syndrome”: from the moment we give birth, along with the baby comes that eternal feeling of guilt whenever we do anything that has nothing directly to do with our child. (Interestingly, though, that feeling magically disappears the moment you do any kind of housework…)

I think every mom can relate to this at least a little. In our heads we have a million interesting ideas for all the things we could do once the child falls asleep, goes to kindergarten or heads to the playground with dad. And the moment the child walks out the door, or closes those little eyes and drifts off into dreamland, our mom brain goes completely empty and dull.

What do I do now?

And of course, we can’t remember a single one of all those cool things we’d planned to do.

What is it that happens to us, every single time, without exception?

And as a result, we often catch ourselves sitting in front of the TV or the computer, flicking through content without ever finding that something we actually feel like watching (maybe precisely because we don’t feel like watching anything at all, we’ve simply swapped that feeling of having no ideas for the easiest substitute, a so-called numb state, just so the time passes and we can finally go to bed, because of course tomorrow brings another day full of obligations).

A hand holding a travel coffee mug in an autumn park
If we don’t think of ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?

Neither a Housekeeper Nor a Mama Robot

I’m generally an active person, especially when it comes to the things I love doing on my own. I adore reading and always have books to spare, I love writing, watching series and films, and you’d think I never have those “I don’t know what to do with myself” moments. Oh, but I do, and how! Especially when I let myself slip into a routine.

Yes, I could tidy the apartment every single day, and there’s always something out of place, something that needs washing, ironing or mending. But hold on, I’m neither my own housekeeper nor a homemaker by vocation. Of course we all do our share of the housework, that’s sort of a given (although my huge advantage is a husband who takes care of family and household things even more than I do).

So why do I do this to myself? Why, in those empty moments, is it so often easier for me to grab a cleaning cloth than a book?

Today, on pure autopilot, like a programmed mama robot, I started washing the dishes while wondering: and what do I do afterwards? Usually the thing I do “for myself” whenever I manage to grab some free time is go to the gym. But I’ve already been twice this week, I even went yesterday, which means the next sensible workout should be tomorrow. So what am I supposed to do today?

How I Finally Escaped to the Park

And then it hit me.

Hang on, not only do I have two extra hours today, the weather outside is lovely and I live a five-minute walk from the most beautiful park in town. And every time I take Sofka to the playground or walk Beni there, I daydream about how super cool it would be to bring my laptop along one day, settle onto one of those cozy benches and write.

But I’d never actually done it. Why? I honestly don’t know!

And why shouldn’t I do it right now, today, this minute? I don’t know that either!

So I packed my laptop and Kindle into my bag, made myself a coffee in my favorite travel mug and set off in search of the perfect park bench with the perfect view of the trees, which are slowly starting to take on the look of my favorite season.

However emancipated we may be, and however popular the mantra “make time for yourself” has become, especially on social media, we moms very rarely do the things that are just for us, completely selfishly, simply because we want to and we can.

I’m not saying we should neglect our children or our family, and certainly not our jobs and the responsibilities we take care of every day. But the moment we think “I’d really love to someday…”, let’s do it right then and there, without hesitating.

The world won’t stop turning if dinner hits the table half an hour late, or if dad, tired after work, makes it himself. Because if dad loves you, he’ll understand how much it means to you that you took your cup of coffee to the park and did what you love most. That way we’ll be kinder to ourselves first, and then to everyone around us.

I’m still learning this.

I am both a woman and a mom. But above all, I am Mima, and I must never, ever lose or neglect her!

And what do you do when you’re handed unplanned time you can spend entirely on yourself?

S-Mama