While I was washing the dishes a little while ago – like every day before I go to pick Sofka up from kindergarten – something so seemingly obvious crossed my mind, and yet for me it felt like a genuine revelation.

Today I don’t need to pick Sofia up from kindergarten, because her aunt is getting her and taking her to ballet.

Which means only one thing – I get two extra hours to myself. And what am I going to do with that time?

It’s too early to start dinner, the dishes are almost done, I’ve finished my work for today, I just need to take Beni out – and then I can… Well, I actually have no idea?!

I think this is the classic case of “mom’s free time syndrome” – that feeling born in the exact same moment as our baby, that gnawing guilt we get whenever we do anything that has nothing directly to do with our child. (Interestingly, that guilt magically disappears the moment you do any kind of housework…)

I think every mom can relate to this at least a little. In our heads we have a million great ideas for everything we could do when the kids are asleep, at kindergarten, or out with dad at the playground. And the moment the child leaves the apartment or closes their little eyes and drifts off into dreamland, our mom-brain goes completely blank and boring.

So what do I do now?

And of course, we can’t remember a single one of those cool things we’d planned to do.

What happens to us every single time, without exception?

And as a result, we often find ourselves sitting in front of the TV or PC, scrolling through content and failing to find that something we actually want to watch. Maybe because we don’t actually want to watch anything at all – we’ve just replaced that feeling of having no idea what to do with a kind of numb state, so that time passes and we can finally go to sleep, because tomorrow brings another full day of responsibilities.

If we don’t think about ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?

 Why Does the Mom-Brain Shut Down When the Kids Are Gone?

I’m generally an active person – especially when it comes to things I love doing on my own. I love reading and always have more books than time, I love writing, I love watching series and films – and you’d think I never have moments of “I don’t know what to do with myself.” But I do, very much so, especially when I let myself fall into a routine.

Yes, I could tidy the apartment every single day and something is always out of place, something always needs to be washed, ironed, or sewn. But wait – I’m not my own housekeeper, and I’m not a homemaker by calling. Of course we all do household things to a greater or lesser degree, that’s kind of a given (though I have the great advantage of a husband who takes care of family and home stuff even more than I do).

Neither Housekeeper Nor Mama-Robot

So why do I do this to myself? Why is it so often easier, in moments of blankness, to reach for a cleaning cloth than for a book?

Today I picked up the dishes on pure autopilot, like a programmed mama-robot, while thinking – so what do I do after this? Usually the thing I do “for myself” whenever I get a bit of free time is go to the gym. But I’ve already been twice this week – even yesterday – which means the next sensible workout was supposed to be tomorrow. So what do I do today?

And then it hit me.

How I Finally Made It to the Park

Wait – not only do I have two extra hours today, the weather outside is lovely, and I live five minutes’ walk from the most beautiful park in the city. I’ve always dreamed, every time I take Sofka to the playground or walk Beni, about how amazing it would be to bring my laptop one day and sit on one of those cosy benches and write.

But I’ve never done it. Why, I genuinely don’t know.

And why wouldn’t I do it right now, today, this minute? That I don’t know either.

So I packed my laptop and Kindle into a bag, made myself coffee in my favourite travel mug, and set off in search of the perfect bench in the park with the perfect view of the trees that are slowly beginning to look like my favourite time of year.

However emancipated we may be, and however popular the mantra “make time for yourself” is – especially on social media – we moms very rarely actually do the things that are just for us, in a completely selfish way, just because we want to and we can.

I’m not saying we should neglect our children, our family, our work, or the daily responsibilities we take care of. But the moment we think “I’d love to do that sometime…” – let’s do it right then, without hesitation.

The world won’t stop if dinner is on the table half an hour later, or if dad – tired from work – makes it himself. Because if dad loves you, he’ll understand how much it meant to you to take a coffee and go to the park and do the thing you love most. That way we’ll be better for ourselves first – and then better for everyone around us too.

I’m still learning this.

I am a woman and a mother. But above all, I am Mima – and her I must never lose or neglect, ever.

And what do you do when you get unplanned time that’s entirely yours?

S-Mama