Times change – and so do the circumstances in which children are raised.
Just because something was good for our great-grandmothers, grandmothers, parents, or us doesn’t make it per se good for our children too.
People evolve, science evolves, circumstances change. If the opposite were true, there would never have been any progress at all. Imagine Tesla not pursuing his research because why would we need alternating current if he grew up without it? Ridiculous, right?!
I’m not saying everything new is automatically good – but everything old isn’t good simply because it’s the only thing we know.
First and foremost, “back in our day we turned out just fine” is truly not a sustainable argument. Actually, it’s not an argument at all.
People think this sentence can be used in any situation – when they don’t know what else to say, when they simply want to sound wise, or even with the best of intentions. Whatever the intention — it’s not okay.
Let me give you a few examples to back up my point, even though the list could go on forever.
The Eternal Enemy of Children – the Internet
As a media studies graduate, I have to bore you with this topic again. And that’s also why I feel well-placed to use media-related arguments here. So: when we talk about media consumption “back then” versus today, there is a huge difference – first and foremost in technological development.
Our grandparents grew up without TV. Some had a radio, others didn’t even have that. Did that mean our parents should also grow up without TV, even though by the time they were children that medium had become a fixture in every home and every family’s daily life? We grew up without the internet – at least in early childhood. You could say we grew up alongside the internet, developing in parallel with it.
We know what a dial-up connection is. We know what slow internet feels like, what a mobile phone without an internet connection means. Our children will not know these things. And that’s fine. They have their own experience – we had ours. Though I have to say – what I would have given as a child to be able to choose which cartoon to watch and when…
Can a Child Learn to Walk Without a Baby Walker?
When I was growing up – as with my husband and my sister – the baby walker was considered standard: of course children use one to learn to walk “faster.” I never even crawled – I went straight from the baby walker to walking.
When Sofia was old enough to get one herself, we happened to be at our paediatrician’s and received a leaflet which stated in red letters that a child must UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES use a baby walker. Along with it came a detailed explanation:
- A baby walker is not a natural way for a child to learn to walk – when they’re ready, they’ll first pull themselves up to standing on their own, then move from one piece of furniture to the next, and finally, when they feel stable enough and their little legs are strong enough, they’ll let go and walk independently.
- A baby walker causes instability in children as well as poor development of the hips; because the child pushes off in an unnatural way to move both themselves and the walker, it can also lead to poor development of the feet.
- If a baby – God forbid – tips over along with the walker, they can suffer serious injuries.
Those arguments were enough for us not to buy Sofia a baby walker at all. We let her learn to walk in her own time – which she did.
So: just because we grew up with a baby walker doesn’t mean Sofia has to.
Who knows – maybe that very walker is responsible for the fact that I still don’t walk properly and have incredible back and knee pain in my mid-twenties… Maybe, maybe not. I can’t claim either way – I’m not an expert. But Sofia’s paediatrician is, and her arguments were stronger than the cliché of “back in our day.”
Times change.
“Back in Our Day” Is Not an Argument
The same goes for children’s diet, sweets, and a thousand other things that differ in modern parenting from the way we were raised.
Everyone has the right to raise their child in the way that works for them. Whether that’s “traditionally” or in a “modern” way – it’s every parent’s choice. And that’s the only fair thing.
Just please stop with the “oh suuure, you’ve reinvented the wheel and do it your way, but how did you grow up without it, or eating that (when food is concerned).”
That is not an argument – I repeat. The opposite is true: it’s the absence of one.
After all, we should be glad that science is advancing and that “some learned people out there” are putting in the effort to make our daily lives easier and better – instead of needlessly wasting energy and nerves on stubbornly looking backwards, just “because that’s how we did it.”
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