How many times in your life has the famous Murphy’s Law proved you wrong? This time it truly defeated me.
A few months ago I wrote a post about which modern tech gadgets I really need and which ones I can do without.
Since I also analyse new media professionally, and right now the way “smart” phones work and our relationship with them matter to me in particular, I was sure that my own example could help change how we see them: how indispensable they really are to us, or aren’t.
I never thought of myself as attached to that little gadget, and I believed I could live without it at any moment. Murphy got his fingers into it, as always, and proved me wrong in no time at all. There are two sides to this story, because how could there not be.
So, a month ago my mobile, or should I say “smart” phone, broke. Nothing tragic, I’ll send it off for repair and that’s that.
How will I live without it? Easily and without any problems!
I have a laptop, I have a landline, so in an emergency anyone who wants to can find me. And that turned out to be true. I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms or urges for my phone, or even for “social” media. I used email, as always, and really everyone who wanted to reach me and found it strange that I wasn’t answering calls or messages managed to contact me by email.
I also talked to Marko and my family exclusively via my computer, and it worked great.
No Phone? Easy!
But what about when I’m not near a computer? Well, then I bravely told myself, and others too, “how did we live a little over 10 years ago, when nobody had a mobile phone, and we still managed to meet up and make plans without any problems?!” And it worked. In fact, I even felt proud, because there I was in the 21st century, not needing a smartphone for everyday life. You can manage without one.
It was actually much easier, because while I was writing my master’s thesis, there was no little worm in my head pushing me to get distracted every few minutes by glancing at that little device called a phone. I realised that my concentration not only lasted much longer, but was also of better quality.
Days went by, then weeks, and still no sign of my phone. And life didn’t stop.
Murphy Had Other Plans
And then came a sobering situation, one I’d been firmly convinced I would avoid. But Murphy had other plans for my ideals, and of course they involved Sofka.
One of the big events at daycares here in Bavaria is St. Martin’s Day. Daycares hold celebrations that whole families take part in. The kids especially look forward to it, because they make their own lanterns (Laternen), and when it gets dark, they walk around the daycare with them together with their families, and then, as is only proper, we all celebrate together with food and drinks inside. The celebration was at dusk, around 4 p.m. And Sofka is normally at daycare until 3:30 p.m. That day I stayed home to write, and Marko took her to daycare.
And everything was as usual. Except that we were supposed to pick her up at noon, and we didn’t. It’s too late now to point fingers: we didn’t ask, and the teachers didn’t mention it to us either.
So Marko went to get her around 3 p.m., as always. And he was shocked. Not a single child other than Sofka was there; all the staff were getting ready for the celebration, and one teacher was with Sofka (who, luckily, was asleep until Marko came to get her).
The daycare called me when they realised we weren’t coming for her on time, and I didn’t answer. As if out of spite, a week earlier I had told one of the teachers that I didn’t have a phone and that if they needed anything, they should call Marko. They couldn’t find Marko’s number, and Sofka was left at daycare, because we were the only ones who hadn’t come for our child.
Words can’t describe the despair and sadness we felt afterwards. Luckily, the teachers are wonderful. They didn’t hold it against us and admitted that the misunderstanding was partly their responsibility too, and that there was no need to worry.
But! But how can you not worry? How can you not ask yourself what if, God forbid, something serious had happened, if she had got hurt or a thousand other things, and they simply couldn’t reach us, because I don’t have a damn phone…
The Sad Truth of the 21st Century
No, this isn’t a story about how we’re bad parents (though it’s not like I don’t feel that way), or about how the system doesn’t work.
This is the sad truth: in the 21st century, whether we want to admit it or not, it’s impossible to be unreachable and not have a phone on you. It’s scary, I know, but that’s how it is.
From that day on, I’m no longer going to champion the idea that we can do without mobile phones, at least not to the extent I used to. Life proves us wrong at every turn, and we all learn from our own mistakes.
It doesn’t matter what kind of phone we have, how cheap or expensive it is, what it can and can’t do. A device in itself is neither bad nor good; what matters is how we use it and what for.
Now I have a new phone (thank you, Amazon, for existing); the old one is still being repaired. And no, I don’t have to use it for anything else or for anyone else, but for my family, especially Sofia, I have to be reachable always and everywhere. My ideals can wait, or change.
S-Mama
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