Working From Home With a Toddler – Expectations vs. Reality

Working from home is a concept that has been our reality for over a month now. Many parents are working from home.

We’re aware of the situation we’re in, and of course it’s not ideal – especially the reason we’re staying home in the first place. But here we are, so why not try to make the best of it? And no, this is not one of those rosy you-can-do-it-all posts.

My husband noticed that I’m “thriving” in self-isolation. And he’s right. It seems the scales of my personality tip heavier on the “introverted” side – I’ll admit it.

I love organizing my own day, and that kind of freedom makes me far more motivated and productive, because it allows me to be with my family as much as we all need. And when work time comes, I work at full steam.

I love that Sofia is here all the time. For once, I love not having to rush to make it to kindergarten on time, then to one job, then another, then back to kindergarten, round and round. After a long time, I can finally give her the attention I’ve always wished I could – even under normal circumstances.

I love that Marko is home all day. He loves it too – he can finally breathe, read, write his PhD thesis and his articles for publication, without anyone tugging at his sleeve to get a thousand other things done.

Honestly, this situation at home reminds me of my Master’s degree days (minus the looming threat of a pandemic).

Even though Sofia is home and wants to spend every second of the day with me, I manage to get far more done in a single day than usual. The only difference is that I’m not enslaved to the idea of sitting in an office from 9 to 4 – instead I have the freedom to structure my own day. And I feel so much more motivated, achieving better results faster and with less pressure.

Let’s not kid ourselves – working from home while having a small child is not easy at all, and it’s far from ideal.

Not because you don’t love your child, but because a small child needs a lot of attention. Especially in these new circumstances, where they’re entirely and directly dependent on you. No kindergarten, no playing with other children at the park, no friends coming over.

But there is playing with Mama and Daddy all day long.

The grandparent service isn’t an option for us here – grandma and grandpa live and work in Serbia. The auntie service is available occasionally, which means the world to us. But she has her own work and study commitments, so it would be both selfish and unrealistic to expect her to jump in whenever we need help.

So how do we manage on our own? What’s actually the key to making it work?

Great Organisation

Marko and I genuinely work well together – not only do we have understanding for each other, we also try to step in for one another whenever needed. We’re in this together; there’s no such thing as one person having more important commitments than the other.

Since we’re both working from home with a small child, it’s both impossible and unrealistic to expect we can work at the same time. The first and most basic arrangement we established is a day-by-day split. I work on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays; he works the remaining days. On the days when I need to work in the morning, he plays with Sofia, walks Beni, and takes care of the household. And when it’s his turn to work, I take all of that over.

There are those “perfect” days – days when our arrangement works brilliantly. But more often there are the other days, the more realistic and unpredictable ones, just like children themselves. On those days, when it’s my turn to work, despite Marko’s best intentions to keep Sofia occupied, it doesn’t stop her from coming into the room several times “just to ask me something” or “just to give me a kiss.”

Willingness to Compromise

And then what? Concentration is broken multiple times and it’s gone for good. That’s when willingness to compromise comes in. On those days I set work aside, Marko does his thing, and I take over looking after Sofia.

On those days, working hours shift to the night shift. Only once Sofia has fallen asleep do I return to my desk and concentrate on my tasks without interruption. For me, this is the ideal compromise – neither the child nor the work suffers, which is what matters most.

Setting Priorities

Above all, it’s essential to set priorities. My priority is my family – my child. And there’s not much deliberating about that. That doesn’t mean the work suffers or that I don’t care about it. It simply means I work more when I have the opportunity to do so – and that’s from 8pm onward, for as long as I can concentrate.

Being Realistic

On the other hand, it would be unfair to blame only the child for bad days. Of course not every day is ideal.

When I’m having a bad day and can’t work properly, I take a break and don’t work at all that day. I give myself a “mid-week weekend.” On that day I do something for my soul – I read, write, watch films and series. It matters to me that I can allow myself to do that.

I’m aware that I’m incredibly lucky – not only can I do my work from home, but the nature of my work means I’m not tied to being at my computer at a specific time. What matters for my work is that it gets done successfully and well by a certain date – not what time of day it happens.

And so I know that when I have a good, productive day tomorrow, I’ll catch up on everything and get far more done than if I’d just sat in front of the computer feeling frustrated.

If there’s one thing that matters most in these challenging times, it’s staying healthy – physically and mentally. So be honest with yourself and realistic about what you can actually do.

Stay safe. #stayhome

S-Mama