She Can Do It Herself

Let’s talk a little about a mother’s overprotectiveness about her children’s safety, or how fast they grow up…

Before I became a mom myself, it always mildly annoyed me when people talked about how fast kids grow up and how time starts flying by at an insane speed once they arrive.

And then I became a mom and realized those weren’t empty words after all.

Sofia is about to turn two. Already! But she’s still Mommy’s baby!

And then I started thinking about how we parents very often, and actually quite unconsciously, even hold our children back by seeing them exactly that way, “they’re still so little,” and out of an excessive fear that something might happen to them.

I’m like that myself, even though I was convinced I belonged to the group of “cool, relaxed parents.”

How I Realized I Was an Overprotective Mom

Whenever we go to a playground, I always feel that Sofia is still too little for some of the “equipment” and that it’s still dangerous for her. The slide, for instance. And then last weekend, which we spent like every other one, partly in nature and partly on playgrounds, came a wake-up call for Mom, meaning me.

I know that Sofia will never do something unless she’s sure it’s safe. She’s just like that. Last summer, for example, it took her several hours just to step onto the sand: she had to scout it out properly, explore it and touch it a couple of times, only for a moment, before she finally agreed to take a step. That’s who she is, and we respect that about her, so there’s no persuading and nothing by force. We show her, explain what something is for and wait for her to approach it on her own, at her own pace.

So when you know you have that kind of child, and then you see her at the playground sliding down a huuuuge slide all by herself (the slide was actually a perfectly normal size, but from my perspective, for my almost-two-year-old, it was gigantic), your blood runs cold.

I found myself ridiculous as I started running circles around her while she climbed all over that wooden wonder (a playhouse), and when she sat down, ready to go down the slide, I froze. I shouted, “Wait, let Mommy help you!” and while I was still saying it, she had already sat down nicely on her own, laughing her head off, and slid down the slide completely normally, not headfirst or in any of the ways we frightened parents imagine it could happen.

Marko, of course, was watching us from the side the whole time and, knowing me as a mom, was dying of laughter, because he knew I’d be scared stiff. He’s simply more relaxed than I am, because he’s more aware that in many places there is actually no real danger (and I envy him that).

All the Fears Are Mine, Not Hers

Only then did I realize that all the fears are really just mine and that nothing is going to happen to her. And I started laughing at myself.

In my defense, I like to say that “something broke in me when I became a mother,” meaning that along with Sofia, a whole mountain of fears and insecurities was born too.

I like to believe this is normal for all mothers, but I also like to believe that we can make an effort to become aware of our worries about our children, and that we can relax juuust a little.

Clearly, out of fear for their safety, we parents often hold our children back. And I don’t want that.

So here I am, completely relaxed.

Okay, maybe not completely, but I’m cool, totally cool.

Maybe not quite cool, but I’m trying not to run after her for fear that she’ll dart into the street or fall off the swing. I’m trying with all my might.

Maybe today isn’t the day I’ll make the complete turnaround, but I’m optimistic that one day I’ll get there.

Thank You, Daycare

And for all of this, I’m actually grateful to daycare. Because there, alongside very dedicated teachers and other children, Sofia learned to relax and to try many new and wonderful things that we, however devoted we are to her and her many activities, obviously can’t give her. If she were at home with us all day, she probably wouldn’t have gone near a slide for at least another year, because I would have decided she was too little for it. And what do I actually know about that?

So with every day I’m more and more certain that putting Sofia in daycare “so early” was the right decision, first of all for her, and then for us too. Because we learn alongside her.

No, I’m not saying children should do whatever they want, however they want, at any cost. That’s what we parents are there for: to stop them from running out in front of cars, for example.

But we have to admit that we often go too far in our worry. And there’s no need. They are little, yes, but they’re not as unreasonable as many people think.

Because believe me, our children can do a lot on their own.

S-Mama