She Can Do It Herself

Let’s talk a little about maternal overprotectiveness when it comes to our children’s safety — or: how fast they grow up…

Before I became a mum myself, it always mildly annoyed me when people went on about how quickly children grow and how time suddenly starts flying at an impossible speed once they arrive.

And then I became a mum — and realized those weren’t empty words at all.

Sofia is about to turn two. Already! But she’s still Mummy’s baby!

And then I started thinking about how we parents very often — and actually quite unconsciously — hold our children back, by seeing them through exactly this lens: “they’re still so little” — out of an excessive fear that something might happen to them.

I do it myself, even though I was convinced I belonged to the group of “cool, relaxed parents.”

Every time we go to a playground, I always feel like some of the equipment is still too big and dangerous for Sofia. The slide, for instance. And then last weekend — spent like every other, partly in nature, partly on playgrounds — came the wake-up call for this mama, meaning me.

How I Realized I Was an Overprotective Mum

I know that Sofia will never do something unless she’s sure it’s safe. She’s just like that. Last summer, for example, it took her several hours just to step onto the sand — she had to carefully scout it out, touch it a couple of times and only briefly, before she finally agreed to take a step. That’s who she is, and we respect that about her — no persuading, nothing by force. We show her, explain what something is for, and wait for her to approach it in her own time and at her own pace.

So when you know you have that kind of child — and then you see her independently sliding down a huuuuge slide (the slide was actually a perfectly normal size, but from my perspective, for my almost-two-year-old, it was enormous) — your blood runs cold.

I was laughing at myself as I started running circles around her while she climbed the wooden adventure structure, and when she sat down with every intention of going down the slide, I froze. I called out “wait, Mummy will help you!” — and by the time those words were out of my mouth, she had already calmly sat herself down, laughing her head off, and slid down the slide completely normally — not headfirst, not in any of the ways we terrified parents imagine it could go wrong.

Marko, of course, had been watching the whole thing from the side and, knowing me as a mum, was dying of laughter — because he knew I’d be scared stiff. He’s simply more relaxed than me, more aware that in many situations the real danger doesn’t actually exist. And I genuinely envy him that.

All the Fear Is Actually Mine, Not Hers

Only then did I realize: all that fear is actually just mine — and nothing is going to happen to her. And I started laughing at myself.

In my defence, I love to say that “something broke in me when I became a mother” — meaning that alongside Sofia’s birth, a mountain of fears and insecurities was born too.

I like to believe that’s normal for all mothers — but I also like to believe we can make an effort to become more aware of our anxieties around our children, and relax juuust a little.

It’s clear that we parents, out of fear for our children’s safety, often hold them back more than we realize. And I don’t want to do that.

So I am now completely relaxed.

Fine, maybe not completely — but I’m cool, totally cool.

Maybe not entirely cool — but I’m trying not to run after her out of fear she’ll dart into the road or fall off the swing. I’m trying with everything I’ve got.

Maybe today isn’t the day I fully turn the corner — but I’m an optimist about eventually getting there.

Thank You, Kindergarten

And for all of this, I’m actually grateful to the kindergarten. Because alongside very dedicated teachers and other children, Sofia has learned to relax and try many new and wonderful things there that we — however devoted we are to her and her various activities — clearly can’t give her ourselves. If she were home with us all day, she probably wouldn’t have gone near a slide for at least another year — because my assessment would have been that she’s too little for it. But what do I actually know about that?

So with every day I’m more and more certain that the decision to enrol Sofia in kindergarten “so early” was the right one — above all for her, and then for us too. Because we’re learning alongside her.

No, I’m not an advocate of children doing whatever they want, however they want, at all costs. That’s exactly why we’re there as parents — to stop them running out in front of cars, for instance.

But that we tend to overdo it in our carefulness — we have to admit that, and we do it a lot. There’s no need. They are small, yes — but not as unreasonable as many people think.

Because trust me — our children can do so much more on their own than we give them credit for.

S-Mama