Other parents aren’t the only ones who know everything about raising your child and love to lecture you. There are also those who have no children of their own, yet know best where you are going wrong with yours. Well, it’s high time we took a closer look at them too.

In one of my earlier posts I wrote about the competition among parents themselves. This time I’m tackling a different kind of problem: the know-it-all NON-parents.

This species is special in its own right and therefore deserves a detailed analysis and introduction.

These are the people who have no experience with children because, first of all, they don’t have any, and in many cases don’t want any either. As far as I’m concerned, that’s no problem at all. Everyone builds their life the way that suits them best.

Little girl sitting on a rug, leafing through picture books

Those who know, know. Those who don’t, sit down, learn and then try it out in practice.

The problem starts the moment these same people feel an indescribable calling, competence and urge to lecture you, the parent, on how a child should be cared for and fed, how it should behave, what it may do and what it absolutely may not, and so on.

I wonder who gives people without children the right to keep preaching to parents about what to do and how? Somehow they all know off the top of their heads exactly what you’re doing wrong.

I have to admit that before I became a mother, I too had judgemental views about many parents, whether I knew them or just passed them in the street. Whenever I saw a child or a parent behaving differently from what I considered appropriate, I always thought to myself: my child will never do that, I will never act like that and so on.

But, as the Bible says: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

I admit my mistake.

Then again, I always kept my remarks to myself. For example, when a child was crying very loudly (it feels rude even to say screaming) in the street or in a shop, I always assumed it was badly behaved or that the parents were irresponsible for letting it happen. Although I never felt I had the right to actually tell them, because I didn’t have children of my own, so I didn’t feel entitled to preach, but it bothered me.

Parenting Isn’t Planned, It’s Built

And then I became part of the crew called parents myself. And my view of the whole world changed drastically. Above all, I realised that you can’t programme a child, especially a very small one, because it has its own needs and doesn’t care whether it’s in the street or anywhere else. If it’s hungry, it’s hungry, and it will let you know.

That doesn’t mean a child should always and everywhere do whatever it wants. Upbringing is very important, but in early childhood socially acceptable behaviour is a very relative thing.

So now I watch mothers and fathers struggling with their little angels with complete understanding, because I was and still am one of them. I still don’t comment, but I give them a very sympathetic smile, the one that says I know how it is, I get you.

Being a Parent Is a Serious Job

Today it’s no longer enough to try our very best to be good parents by our own standards. People on all sides keep imposing their own standards that we are supposed to meet. And I have truly had enough of it.

Since when did it become okay for everyone to know absolutely everything about everything? And that’s not even enough: we constantly have to preach to someone and split hairs so we can point fingers and judge. That is neither nice nor polite.

I, too, had a thousand “rules” about how I would definitely never treat my child, and then reality proved me completely wrong, because I realised that thinking about it is one thing and life is something else entirely.

Being a parent is not an easy job at all. You do it 24 hours a day for the rest of your life, there are no holidays, no weekends, and there is no way to prepare for it.

It happens to you, and you adapt and build it by your own standards, together with your partner and with one goal: that your child is well.

So I ask everyone who has no experience with children, especially not with their own, to tone it down a little and, instead of theorising and preaching about what you should do, what you shouldn’t and what they would or wouldn’t do, to try it in practice first and then speak up.

Thank you for your attention.

Warmly,

S-Mama