There Is Only One Grandpa

In the lives of girls, there are many people who leave their mark, but there is always that one person who marks us most of all: grandpa.

There’s surely some psychology to it, too. It has long been known that girls are more attached to their dads, and boys to their moms. However hard we try to disprove it, when we really think about it, we realize that’s more or less simply how it is. This certainly doesn’t mean that girls don’t love their mothers and grandmothers, or that boys don’t love their fathers and grandfathers. It just means that these relationships are special in their own way.

Just think of the famous story (my favorite) of Heidi and her grandpa, and it will become clearer what I mean when I talk about the special relationship between a grandpa and his granddaughter.

Why Grandparents Are a Category of Their Own

Parents are a special category.

But grandparents are even more special, you have to admit.

Our child is growing up far away from her grandparents. Thank God, and thanks to the hard-working people behind today’s technology, she can see them all (virtually, mind you) almost every day. But it’s not the same. In person is in person. Because no hug, no kiss and no emotion can travel through a network, however good it may be.

On the one hand, Marko and I are very proud that we manage everything on our own; on the other, we love it when Grandma and Grandpa come to visit.

Leaving aside all that “freedom” Marko and I get (which we mostly use to stay longer at the library, because student life, you know). What matters more is Sofka’s relationship with her grandma and grandpa. With them, she is a completely different child. And that is perfectly normal.

I find it fascinating to watch, from the sidelines, her boundless love for them, how attached and close she is to them. Not to mention their own devotion and love.

Just as I don’t like it when someone asks a child “Who do you love more, Mommy or Daddy?”, I also think it’s not only pointless but unfair to the child to ask that kind of question about grandma and grandpa.

But. Of course there’s a but.

Speaking from my own experience, growing up with two grandmothers and one grandpa, I loved and still love both of my grandmothers, but grandpa was always grandpa. And as far as I can see, it’s the same with Sofia. Grandma can bend over backwards for her, but whenever Sofia heads somewhere, she’ll always say “Come on, Grandpa” first, and only then call Grandma too.

It’s a strange thing, this relationship between grandfathers and grandchildren. Different from the one between a father and a daughter, and yet somehow the same.

A grandpa is someone who is there to indulge (which doesn’t per se mean to spoil), to cuddle and look after, to love and care, but with a different kind of weight than Mom and Dad carry.

My Grandpa: The Man Who Listened and Took It All In

As I said, I had one grandpa. Sadly, I never got to meet the other one, because he left this world far too soon. And I deeply regret it, because I can’t even imagine how many more beautiful childhood memories I would have if I’d had not one but two grandpas.

I have nothing but beautiful memories of my grandpa. He was a man who didn’t talk much, but when he did speak, it truly mattered. He wasn’t strict or gruff, but patient and devoted. He would never tell me he couldn’t do something with me, whether it was reading to me endlessly before I could read on my own, or playing Memory with me for hours, or cards, or what we both loved most: doing puzzles. Like every child, I chattered nonstop the whole time, and he didn’t say much. He listened and took it all in. I understand that better now, when I see my dad with Sofia.

It’s not all in the words; much more lies in the emotions.

Even though my grandpa has been gone for six years now, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. And every time I dream of him, I feel that I miss him more and more. Because I can’t even imagine how happy he would have been about Marko, let alone Sofia…

And yes, a grandpa is someone who shapes us for life. I owe many of my views to him. My grandma always used to say, “You and your grandpa! Who can handle the two of you, you’re so alike.”

And it’s not true that he’s gone. As long as there are those of us who remember him, and as long as there are those genes and feelings that I can clearly see in the bond between Sofia and my dad, he is here with us too.

Sofia and Her Grandpa: Memories in the Making

And when I jump off the train of memories and watch Sofia playing with her grandpa, who, despite his injured hip and the cane he currently walks with, gets up without hesitation and dances with her when Sofia shouts “Come on, Grandpa!” to the sound of her favorite song, I realize once again how big and important a grandpa is in the life of his granddaughter. With every moment they share, they build their own memories. And I understand all too well how important and beautiful that is.

Because there is only one grandpa.

S-Mama