Social life and parenthood in the same sentence? Believe it or not, it is possible!
When you become a parent, along with the title you also gain the power to create or steal time. It depends on how you look at it.
What do I mean by that?
Your child becomes your number one priority, especially while they are so small that they literally cannot survive without you.
But life does not stop there. So, like a true magician, you invent ways to manage everything that needs to be done, especially responsibilities related to studies or work.
And then you remember that before you became parents, you and your partner were actually a couple. And clearly a functional and good one, considering that from all that love you feel for each other, a new human being came into this world. So, well done.
But what was it like to be a couple?
How do you create or bring back that part of the magic?
How do you find time for each other, despite all the obligations pressing in from every direction?
And how do you do all of this if you do not have external help close by, like grandparents who could step in whenever it suits you?
That is when a special set of tricks comes into play.
Of course, nothing stays the same after a child is born, including your partnership.
Of course, your joint outings are reduced, sometimes to the extreme. And while there is a lockdown outside and everyone is losing their minds because they cannot go out after 9 or 10 p.m., you honestly cannot quite relate because, hey, when was the last time you were out that late anyway?
Jokes aside, the fact is that parents, especially those who do not have grandparents on speed dial, or even within a radius of 1,000 kilometers, to step in whenever we feel like “just going for a walk,” have to find other ways to spend quality time together and with other people.
But it is not impossible.
The first thing you need to accept in this new way of life is that “parent outings” into the outside world without your offspring are rare.
Once you accept that, things get easier.
A parent’s social life is basically the motto: figure out how to secure a bit of time for yourself that does not include your children.
So how does it look in our case?
Interestingly, when we talk about social life, we primarily mean time for the two of us, and only then time with other people who do not live in our household.
First and foremost, we discovered a completely new world – home parties.
Sofka is now old enough and has her daily rhythm, and we are lucky that she is already in bed between 7 and 8 p.m.
So Marko and I have the luxury that every evening (when we do not collapse from exhaustion) is our evening. Okay, we cannot go out together, but we can do plenty of things inside.
Some evenings we talk endlessly, some evenings we watch movies or series. Sometimes he plays PlayStation while I read, sometimes we read together. The possibilities are many, if we ignore the spatial limitations, of course.
How do we manage to socialize with other human beings older than five years?
As I said, joint outings with other people are rare, but when they happen, we truly appreciate them.
An option that is always available is having someone come over to our place. When we are in the mood for a larger group, we organize a “play night” and invite friends over to play board games.
Not only is the time Marko and I spend together important, but also the time each of us spends alone, that is, with our own friends. Because, believe it or not, we do not go everywhere together, nor do we have to.
And for a social life to exist at all outside the walls of our apartment, it is helpful if at least one of us occasionally takes a trip into the parallel, outside world, while the other, of course, takes care of the child and the dog.
He has his friends, I have mine. So when we arrange individual outings, we first consult the other person to see whether they can take over childcare duties for Sofka and Beni. Only then do we confirm plans.
Because first and foremost, we are support for each other, and we help each other out.
It is not always ideal – and then the grandparents arrive!
I have to admit that sometimes we really miss being able to spontaneously go for a walk around the neighborhood or along the Danube, like we did before Sofka was born. And let us not even talk about all the gatherings with friends we miss.
Ana (my sister, who also lives and studies in Regensburg) is there to step in when things get really tight or when our schedules align well enough for her to watch Sofka so that Marko and I can go out together. But we try not to overdo it, because she has her own life and is not here just to play babysitter for us.
That is why we especially look forward to multi-day visits from my parents.
Every time grandma and grandpa come to visit, we make the most of it, without any guilt. That is when we make up for all the walks, coffee dates, and “late-night” outings (meaning after 7 p.m.).
The advantage of this situation is that Sofka misses her grandparents so much, and they miss her just as much, that none of them even notices our absence.
Because of that, this period becomes a kind of parental vacation for the two of us, which means that we focus even more actively on our partnership.
In fact, during those days when grandma and grandpa are around, Marko and I make more of an effort to spend quality time together than we feel the need to see other people every day.
And we have learned to appreciate those days and moments precisely because they are a break from routine, monotony, and everyday life.
We do not need much (no expensive outings, dinners, or gifts) to feel close. But a few hours, or even a day or two, of intentional togetherness can seriously refresh a relationship.
Then going to the cinema, or simple walks by the river, without constantly checking the time, can be very nourishing.
And if you add a bit of socializing or going out with people we love, the magic rises to an even higher level.
Parents mode off, couple mode on.
Which life is better?
What is certain is that we genuinely enjoy the life we have created for ourselves.
We know how to appreciate moments when we are alone, and we enjoy moments when we are not.
Because let us be honest, anything you do every day eventually becomes taken for granted and loses its charm.
But if I could now choose whether I would rather go out like I did when I was younger and not yet a mother – I definitely would not.
At the same time, do I enjoy occasional trips into the non-parent world? Absolutely.
Being a parent is fun, in its own unique way. We both adore Sofka more than anyone or anything in the world.
But we also love each other. And that must not be forgotten.
Our time was, it is, and it will be. Only the way we spend it together changes, and that is exactly how it should be.
Find your magic, together.
Warm regards,
S-Mama
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