You either want a baby (with someone) or you don’t. Forget the excuses!
Anyone who starts complaining about their circumstances – whether housing or finances – should just think for a moment about what it was like to raise children – how it was to raise us, back in the 1990s. We went without a lot in those years – but isn’t it wonderful to be fulfilling those wishes now, for ourselves?
Today too, one can either moan – or take life into their own hands and work hard to create better conditions for themselves and their children.
Even though we’re students in a foreign country, with no entitlement to child or parental benefit (which in Germany amounts to around 350 euros a month in the first year, and 200 after that), without wealthy parents who could support us financially, and with very modest scholarships (even by German standards) – we decided not to moan about the lack of comfort and plenty, about insufficient time to prepare for exams or write papers. Instead, we chose to bring a new being into the world who would give us extra motivation to create time and create conditions.
“I’ll give you a brilliant piece of advice: do something!”
The pregnancy period for us was a wonderful and relaxed time that we genuinely enjoyed to the fullest. It’s no less beautiful now – but whenever we think back to those walks, the planning, the doctor’s appointments and ultrasound scans, I get completely warm and fuzzy inside.
When you want and love a baby, there’s no stress, no nausea, no drama. I’m not saying it’s easy for every pregnant woman – but with a little positivity and love, so much can be made easier.
Some smells did bother Mima, so I avoided eating certain foods – but hey: we were pregnant, not just her! The pregnancy was something shared, so I didn’t moan about missing spicy meat but instead adjusted to the two of them, who had become my greatest priority.
We Were Pregnant – Not Just Her
People were often puzzled when we said “we’re pregnant” – but that kind of connection probably can’t be understood by those who’ve never experienced it. I sincerely and wholeheartedly wish they experience it as soon as possible! I just have to emphasise that “we’re pregnant” wasn’t something just said in passing – it was something above all lived. We went for a walk together every single day, we were at every doctor’s appointment together, we lived through every ultrasound together, we decided everything together that concerned the baby – and of course, everything back then (as now) concerned our baby.
I’m aware that not all fathers were as privileged as I was, and that because of work they have to miss things here and there – but we can at least try, as much as is within our power, to be as present as possible! We don’t realise how much that means to our wives and how good it makes them feel! Don’t underestimate your importance, dear expecting or new fathers!
Being There Is Everything
And in the end, our presence is the most needed and the most important. When the first contractions begin, when we take our wives to the hospital and walk into the delivery room. Yes! In the delivery room, we are needed most of all – but more on that in the next post!
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