As someone who is mostly filled with positive energy and almost perpetual optimism, you might think I don’t have my “grey moments,” that there are no times when I’m out of sorts. Of course that isn’t true.
Everyone in this world has positive or negative emotions at any given moment. A lack of will, motivation, drive – sadness, simply the absence of any desire to move at all – these are all normal states that take turns alongside positive feelings.
It seems to me that our modern world is such that it barely leaves room to truly devote ourselves to the less happy moments with the same intensity we give to the happy ones. I don’t consider them any less relevant – quite the opposite!
It’s ok to be sad for all kinds of reasons, although when I think about it a little more, there doesn’t always even need to be a valid reason. It’s ok not to know the reason.
It’s ok to say no. To say no to anything, whenever we want to, if that’s how we feel.
It’s ok to be brave and know what you don’t want – sometimes more than what you do want.
It’s ok to suffer.
It’s ok to be lost – in the moment, in your own thoughts, in space, in time…
It’s ok not to know what you want from your life, not to know what you want to be, where you want to go, or where you want to stop.
Of course that’s ok!
A World That Leaves No Room for Difficult Emotions
Every day we’re surrounded by factors pressuring us to be perfect, to always be happy and think positively. Society, the media, education – everything around us, consciously or not, puts so much pressure on us that a certain chapter of life must be finished by a certain point and a new one started. That you must decide young what you want to do with the rest of your life – when at that moment you fundamentally don’t even know what life itself is. That always irritated me, and the more I grow, the more clearly I see how little it has to do with reality.
How can someone impose on me what I want? How can someone tell me when to grow up and get serious? And what does that even mean?
No!
I want to do it myself! I want to be my own stumbling block and/or the motivation that pushes me forward!
People on the outside would say: “Well, she’s sorted her life out – strong, knows what she wants, found her calling”… Absolutely not! Like many people, I’m someone who has been through a fair amount of the beautiful and the less beautiful in life so far.
Grab Hold of a Lifeline
I often find myself wondering: will I ever succeed, what have I achieved, how far have I come, is this really what I want to do, what I love, what makes me happy? To be honest, the answer to these questions isn’t always a yes. However, I realize that even that answer does me good. It does me good in the sense that I slow down a little, devote myself to myself a little, think a little about what truly makes me happy in this moment – and what doesn’t.
Yes, that’s what pulls me out of all that daze. However static the moment may be, I grab hold of a lifeline that gets me moving in that moment and push forward, as best I can. Sometimes with more, sometimes with less success.
I’ve come to understand – after the millionth attempt and the frustrations that came with it – that nothing that is forced and done under pressure will come to fruition, especially when there is additional external pressure on top of it.
It’s ok to know that we’re not machines and that we burn out in our own way.
It’s ok, on the other hand, not to justify ourselves to anyone for what doesn’t suit us in the moment, and to feel guilty for being that way. My dear people, think of this as a kind of mantra to repeat to yourself every morning when you get out of bed.
And no, it’s not selfish.
It is not selfish in the slightest to be who we are and to search for ourselves until we find ourselves.
It’s Ok Not to Be Ok
We learn every single day, and as long as we’re alive we will have obstacles – as well as beautiful moments. The secret lies in finding the balance between those two sides of the scales called life.
It’s ok not to be ok!
Not too much, not too little, sometimes, rarely – for the sake of questioning the things mentioned above and questioning ourselves. And when we’ve questioned and gathered ourselves, it’s ok to be who we are and to be happy – whatever that means for us! Because life is made up of the small things that matter to us and that colour our days, even the grey ones.
Find your colour!
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