A father at the birth is an irreplaceable figure.
In my previous post I wrote about my experience attending my wife’s birth and highlighted all the positive sides of that experience. While I’m aware that not everyone has the opportunity or ability to experience it in the same way, I decided to also address the possible negative aspects – which may actually be more important than the positive ones.
A very important reason why I advocate for fathers being present at the birth – and this applies above all to expecting fathers in Serbia (and the Balkans in general) – is protecting their family.
We had a truly beautiful experience here in Germany with the midwife and doctor at the birth. They were outstanding professionals who were there solely for us, gave us their full attention, and made everything immeasurably easier through their kindness and empathy.
A kind word is priceless in those moments.
It was only after Mima’s birth that mothers, sisters, friends and neighbours started sharing their (to put it mildly, horrifying) experiences from maternity wards.
What Women Go Through in Serbian Maternity Wards
My sister, who even had a contact at the “Zvezdara” maternity hospital in Belgrade, told me she felt like a cow being led through calving. My stomach turned a million times hearing what doctors on the Balkans say to women during labour and how they treat them. Even the thought that Mima could have gone through something similar gives me chills.
Did you know that around 50% of first-time mothers in Serbia decide against a second pregnancy precisely because of their bad experience (most often caused by midwives and doctors) during the birth?
In Serbia, where good and caring doctors and midwives (which is what women need most in those moments) are a genuine rarity, the presence of husbands who will protect their wives from hurtful, demeaning and disrespectful words and actions is unconditionally necessary.
And although I’m aware I may sound completely conservative: is protecting the family not one of the fundamental roles of husbands and fathers?
Presence Is Protection
To be clear: I do not support resolving problems through violence, in any situation. Force is never a method – NEVER. What I firmly believe is that our presence alone and our protective stance as men towards our wives, who are helpless in those moments in the delivery room, is enough to set certain boundaries that doctors and/or midwives are not allowed to cross.
Personally, I’m not someone who is good at standing up for himself. I’ll sooner stay silent and endure than argue or fight. But when it comes to my family, I feel I would do anything to protect my girls.
The Protective Instinct in Practice
Just a few days ago, completely unplanned, I had the chance to put that protection into action. We found ourselves in danger of being swept away by a stampede of panicked tourists trying to board a train as if their lives depended on it. And in the exact moment when I sensed a possible threat to our little girl, I shouted – and in one second brought around 50 people around us to a halt, who only then stopped pushing and let my wife through with Sofka. And I still can’t believe that with five spoken words – none of them offensive – I stopped and calmed 50 frantic people.
That example has no direct connection to a father’s presence at birth – but it does indirectly. I wanted to show you vividly that we sometimes aren’t even aware of what we’re capable of when our loved ones are in any kind of danger or discomfort. And if our presence and/or possible reaction can protect our wives and children, then for me there is no alternative.
Dads, go into the delivery room! Be with your wives and protect your family from any possible unpleasantness! Your protection is essential – and the experience itself will reward you many times over! Because witnessing a birth is truly the most beautiful thing you will ever experience.
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