{"id":8346,"date":"2017-05-04T08:29:13","date_gmt":"2017-05-04T06:29:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/ocekivanja-od-samih-sebe\/"},"modified":"2026-10-21T16:14:37","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T14:14:37","slug":"perfect-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/perfect-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"When We Expect Too Much of Ourselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

I like to call myself an optimist, but I think in reality I am an idealist. I look at the world around me positively, but I expect perfection from myself. Other people\u2019s expectations aren\u2019t the problem. I have never paid attention to them. The worst are the expectations we set for ourselves.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Very often I set myself goals that are too big and too ambitious, and when I don\u2019t manage to achieve them, even though I tried, I am disappointed in myself. I think I\u2019m lazy and that I could have done much better. And then I became a mother, and all of that went up to a whole new level.<\/p>\n

\"Baby<\/a>

We choose our own path.<\/p><\/div>\n

Specifically, I set myself the goal of finishing my master\u2019s degree this semester (that is, passing two more exams and writing my master\u2019s thesis), applying for a PhD and securing a scholarship for myself, or rather for my family. And on top of all that, our family, above all our little daughter, must not be neglected. I don\u2019t want her to miss her mother, or for someone else to raise my child because of my other commitments. After all, I gave birth to her because I wanted her, not because she asked for it. So she is my, our, responsibility, not that of her grandma, grandpa, other relatives or the neighbours.<\/p>\n

Add to that all of my husband\u2019s commitments: finishing his exams this semester, doing a six-week internship and earning some money so we could breathe a little easier.<\/p>\n

And we live on our own, far from home.<\/p>\n

The two of us made a nice plan for how to pull it all off, and came to the conclusion that we had to ask our parents to step in and help look after the baby. But it isn\u2019t realistic to expect them to drop their lives in Serbia and come running whenever it suits us.<\/p>\n

That was when the idealist in me had to face reality<\/strong>. No, a day doesn\u2019t have 50 hours, only 24. Yes, people need sleep to survive, simply because that\u2019s their nature. No, I can\u2019t control when and how long Sofia sleeps, what mood she\u2019s in and a hundred other things we parents would love to influence and control. Then we realise that a child is not a robot after all and that you can\u2019t programme it. She has her own needs, and she\u2019s too small to explain them in words, or for us to explain to her that she has to do this or that. She doesn\u2019t have to do anything!<\/p>\n

So I gave myself a reality check and said: come on, chill out a bit. Why does everything have to happen right here, right now? It doesn\u2019t! Set your priorities, lower your expectations and with them your commitments. And take it slowly.<\/em><\/p>\n

What matters most to me is being there for my little daughter. Everything else comes second, fifth, tenth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Since Marko had more exams left and his studies are generally more demanding, I decided that this semester I would, above all, be with Sofia and attend and pass my two remaining exams. Next semester she starts nursery, and I\u2019ll be able to write my master\u2019s thesis and prepare my PhD application, because it\u2019s really important to me that it all turns out well, that I give it my best and don\u2019t just rush through it.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t given up on myself or my goals.<\/strong> I\u2019ve simply realised that someone needs me more now. And that I will be much more relaxed and happier if I don\u2019t rush between the library and home feeling guilty<\/a> that I haven\u2019t spent enough time with Sofi today, or done enough for my master\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Who Is to Blame for Our Sky-High Expectations? We Are!<\/h2>\n

We women are truly awful to one another<\/a>, and to ourselves too. We have to do everything perfectly: look perfect, have the perfect weight, cook, look after the children, be the best at work, do sport, keep our homes spotless, and the list goes on and on. And if we don\u2019t live up to everything we have set for one another or for ourselves as the norm, we feel unfulfilled and worth less. And I say: enough!<\/p>\n

Every one of us is perfect, full stop! And we will define that perfection for ourselves, first of all by taking a realistic look at our wishes, but also at what we can actually do. It is more honest to tell yourself I can\u2019t do that right now<\/em> and be happy at the end of the day than to set yourself far too many unrealistic demands and end the day feeling miserable because we haven\u2019t managed any of it, or only part of it.<\/p>\n

I am happy.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I spend a lot of time with Sofia, because I know I will never get this time back. I go to lectures regularly and coordinate with my husband on all our other study commitments. And every spare moment I use for reading or writing, whether for my upcoming master\u2019s thesis or for my soul. And all of that makes me happy.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s exactly why I am a super mum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Warmly,<\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I like to call myself an optimist, but I think […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8347,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[1168,4615,3612,1089,975],"class_list":["post-8346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mother","tag-motherhood","tag-perfect-mom","tag-perfectionism","tag-student-mom-en","tag-unrealistic-expectations"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Perfect Mom Doesn\u2019t Exist: Stop Expecting Too Much<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The perfect mom doesn\u2019t exist, yet we keep chasing her. 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