{"id":8277,"date":"2017-11-10T12:56:24","date_gmt":"2017-11-10T11:56:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/griza-savest-majki\/"},"modified":"2026-10-21T13:58:59","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T11:58:59","slug":"mom-guilt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/mom-guilt\/","title":{"rendered":"The Affliction of Modern Mothers: Mom Guilt"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Not long ago I was talking to my friend Ivana, who is also <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/origins-of-the-student-mom-phenomenon\/\">a student and a mum<\/a>, about all sorts of things, including the affliction so many mothers share: guilt.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Ivana had to take a rather long break from her studies when her son was born, so this semester she is slowly getting back into shape as an active student. Unlike me, with the university a 20-minute walk from home, Ivana has to travel to lectures from a big city about an hour and a half away by train. I don\u2019t know whether this was her first big separation from her son, but I know for sure it wasn\u2019t easy for her.<\/p>\n<p>She told me how terribly guilty she felt that on that one day a week she wouldn\u2019t be able to pick her little boy up from nursery, the way she does every other day.<\/p>\n<p>And then I started thinking about how I have the same problem every single day. <strong>At least once a day I ask myself whether I\u2019ve spent enough time with Sofia, whether I\u2019ve given her enough attention, whether I\u2019m maybe being too selfish<\/strong>, because, well, instead of playing with her, I\u2019m sitting in the reading room enjoying the latest literature on media theory.<\/p>\n<h2>The Worm of Guilt That Eats You Up Inside<\/h2>\n<p>This isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve thought (read: worried) about this. From the moment I first had to leave the house without Sofia, even for an hour, a little worm appeared in my head and kept saying: \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have gone anywhere without her, what kind of selfish mother are you?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ever since I started working alongside my studies (admittedly only two days a week), the feeling of guilt has only piled up.<\/p>\n<p>My latest guilt attack came this Tuesday. Because of my university commitments I had to be away from home from 10 in the morning until late afternoon. I saw Sofia for literally five minutes when she woke up, and then it was already time to rush off. But that wasn\u2019t when the problem in my head began.<\/p>\n<p>The problem actually began when I realised that <strong>my planner for that day had something written in it that wasn\u2019t an obligation as such<\/strong>, but an optional lecture on a topic I was really interested in. It was scheduled for 6 pm, which meant I would be home between 8 and 8:30. The nerd in me was shouting: \u201cPlease, pleeease, don\u2019t let me miss that lecture\u201d, while at the same time the mum in me was yelling: \u201cGo home, be with your child!\u201d (No, I don\u2019t have a split personality, but you know what I mean.)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mima_smama\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/griza-savesti.jpg\" alt=\"Desk with a laptop, a mug of coffee, biscuits and a planner\" width=\"900\" height=\"1200\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Honestly, I would never have resolved this dilemma on my own. My wonderful husband helped me out by telling me I should go to the lecture and not worry, <strong>that sometimes I need to do something for myself and my soul too.<\/strong> And he was right.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not someone who finds satisfaction in nights out and partying. That time is somehow behind me and I don\u2019t miss it at all. So what is my idea of a perfect treat?<\/p>\n<p>I much prefer <strong>a good coffee and a great book<\/strong>, even at home. That\u2019s enough for me to recharge my batteries and say: \u201cThere, mum has had her moment\u201d, the perfect <em>me time<\/em>. And honestly, <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/moms-free-time-syndrome\/\">I rarely even make time for moments like that<\/a>, because I always somehow prefer to spend that half hour or hour with Marko and Sofia, even if we\u2019re doing nothing together.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>Family time<\/em> is my new <em>me time.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Listening to a lecture is a kind of investment in myself, time well spent. I find a special kind of satisfaction in it, and since it\u2019s optional, I don\u2019t have to go every week, only when the topic or the lecturer interests me. So I did go to the lecture hall after all, listened spellbound and took notes for the next hour or so. And <strong>I was indescribably happy.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2>Being Selfish and Taking Time for Yourself Are Not the Same Thing!<\/h2>\n<p>No, that doesn\u2019t mean I didn\u2019t feel guilty during the lecture too. Honestly, I still haven\u2019t managed to get that little worm out of my head, and I wonder whether I ever will. If any of you have managed it, please write to me.<\/p>\n<p>Somehow it seems to me that it all comes with the job. Guilt is part and parcel of motherhood, for the simple reason that <strong>we will never be good enough for ourselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We should try to find <strong>a balance between our obligations and our wishes.<\/strong> Or at least find someone who understands us and gives us a push towards making our wishes come true (as my husband very often does for me).<\/p>\n<p><strong>Being a mother doesn\u2019t mean neglecting yourself.<\/strong> Because if a mum is unhappy with herself, it will certainly affect how well she can be there for her family.<\/p>\n<p>So I\u2019m going to tweak that famous \u201chappy wife, happy life\u201d into \u201c<strong>happy mom, happy family<\/strong>\u201d, or in other words <em><strong>a happy mum means a happy family.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>So, my dears, allow yourselves to be happy without feeling guilty, and do something just for yourselves once a week, or even once a day. It doesn\u2019t make you selfish, it makes you human.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Warmly,<\/p>\n<p><em>S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Not long ago I was talking to my friend Ivana, <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/mom-guilt\/\"> [&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[4286,3226,1168,1212,1089],"class_list":["post-8277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mother","tag-guilt-free-parenting","tag-mom-guilt","tag-motherhood","tag-self-care-en","tag-student-mom-en"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Mom Guilt: Taking Time for Yourself Isn\u2019t Selfish<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mom guilt follows us everywhere. A personal essay on guilt, time for yourself and why looking after yourself doesn\u2019t make you a selfish mother.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/mom-guilt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mom Guilt: Taking Time for Yourself Isn\u2019t Selfish\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mom guilt follows us everywhere. 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