{"id":7248,"date":"2019-03-28T14:14:35","date_gmt":"2019-03-28T13:14:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/saga-o-masteru\/"},"modified":"2026-10-21T17:30:09","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T15:30:09","slug":"writing-masters-thesis-with-child-and-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/writing-masters-thesis-with-child-and-family\/","title":{"rendered":"There, But Not There"},"content":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t believe it: the day has actually come when I handed in my master\u2019s thesis! Yes, yes, you heard that right, the agony (or at least the main part of it) is over.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Okay, let\u2019s not exaggerate, it wasn\u2019t exactly agony<\/em>, because I genuinely love writing and learning. But that it wasn\u2019t easy, and that at times it felt impossible? Oh yes, very much so.<\/p>\n

A Year Without Excuses<\/h2>\n

Exactly one year has passed since I first sat down at my laptop and officially started researching the literature to back up my master\u2019s thesis. That may sound like a lot, but according to the \u201crules\u201d here in Germany, a master\u2019s thesis is written in one semester, that is, six months. If you consider that German is not my native language (not even close) and that I have a family (a husband, a child, and a dog on top of that), a year doesn\u2019t seem too long at all, but just about right. So I\u2019m not behind on anything, even though it felt like the opposite a million times.<\/p>\n

What matters is that it\u2019s done. Am I happy with the result? I don\u2019t know. The perfectionist in me is never completely satisfied with anything. So at some point I had to tell myself: \u201cEnough!\u201d<\/p>\n

Better done than perfect!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now, where is that feeling of happiness and relief when you finally reach the goal you\u2019ve been working toward? I hope it will come, someday, maybe\u2026<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

So, what now?<\/p>\n

As for the official part, all that\u2019s left is to wait for the thesis to be reviewed and graded (which can take two months or more).<\/p>\n

As for the unofficial part, first I\u2019m going to rest a little, if I even manage to. Not because I don\u2019t have the chance, but because of who I am. Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ve had a list in my planner for ages of things I want to do and get done the moment I hand in the thesis. And yes, blogging more regularly is at the very top of that list. Honestly, I\u2019ve really missed regular writing and reflecting, but the non-academic kind. Letting my brain off the leash and my fingers dance freely across the keyboard.<\/p>\n

The Hardest Part<\/h2>\n

All the insecurity and the doubts about myself and my abilities aside, the hardest part for me was that for the last two and a half months I couldn\u2019t devote myself to my family, especially to Sofia.<\/p>\n

Marko, as always, played a masterful role in this whole story, taking on every possible and impossible responsibility around Sofia, the house and Beni, and I am immeasurably and indescribably grateful to him for it! And not once did he complain, even though I know it wasn\u2019t easy for him, especially because as a family we have always worked by sharing everything: the chores, the responsibilities, and the good times too. He did everything so that I could sit and write for 8+ hours a day without having to worry about anything else.<\/p>\n

Sofia understood. Or at least she tried to understand that Mama, even though she was at home in the other room, couldn\u2019t cuddle and play with her whenever she wanted, couldn\u2019t take her to daycare or pick her up, couldn\u2019t go to the playground or on walks with her. \u201cMama must works writes,\u201d she would say. She\u2019d come over just to give me a kiss, or on her way out of the flat she\u2019d say \u201cnice day Mama\u201d. And that was the hardest part for me. That I wasn\u2019t there, even though I was there. Since she was born, I had never been so absent from her, and for so long, and that hurt.<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t make a scene, she didn\u2019t cry or throw tantrums, but she was visibly sad, especially during the last week of my active work. And that tore me in two, so much that I asked myself countless times whether all of this was worth it.<\/p>\n

But then I would pull myself together and tell myself that I was doing all this partly for her, too. It wouldn\u2019t be fair to say I was doing it all for her, for the simple reason that she wasn\u2019t the one who asked Mama to finish a master\u2019s. That is only my wish and what I love \u2013 to keep learning and build my place in the academic world. But what did push me forward, and had to do with Sofia alone, was knowing that the sooner I finished, the sooner I could devote myself to her 30 out of 24 hours a day.<\/p>\n

And that pushed me forward.<\/p>\n

Now Mama Is Fully There<\/h2>\n

Now she won\u2019t leave my side for a second. It doesn\u2019t matter what we do, all that matters is that Mama is there and that she\u2019s laughing the whole time. Now she wants Mama to do everything \u2013 Mama takes her to daycare, Mama picks her up from daycare, Mama puts her to bed, Mama plays, Mama walks Beni with Sofia. Mama is finally fully there.<\/p>\n

She says she\u2019s happy, and I\u2019m even happier when I see her smile. I know it was worth it. And I know I\u2019ve honestly earned the right to do absolutely nothing for at least the next week, except be with her and enjoy ourselves. Everything else, and life as such, can wait that long.<\/p>\n

Now Mama is there, and it\u2019s time for Dad to go full steam ahead and finish his own master\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Without my family\u2019s support, I wouldn\u2019t be where I am, and I couldn\u2019t dream of going even further, of pushing my own boundaries, and society\u2019s too.<\/p>\n

I know I can, and they believe I can, and that\u2019s enough for me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t believe it: the day has actually come when […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7993,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[3630,3629,3627,3612,3628],"class_list":["post-7248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mother","tag-family-support","tag-masters-degree-in-germany","tag-masters-thesis-with-a-child","tag-perfectionism","tag-studying-with-a-family"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWriting a Thesis as a Mom: There, But Not There | S-Mama<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Writing a thesis as a mom, with a family and a toddler at home, is hard but possible. 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