{"id":7240,"date":"2019-06-30T14:00:39","date_gmt":"2019-06-30T12:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/sta-radis-kada-ne-radis-nista\/"},"modified":"2026-11-10T10:18:56","modified_gmt":"2026-11-10T09:18:56","slug":"emptiness-after-graduation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/emptiness-after-graduation\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do You Do When You Do Nothing?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know, I know everything. A lot of time has passed since the end of March, that is, since the moment I handed in my master\u2019s thesis. So where am I? What am I doing? Why nothing, and what does nothing<\/em> even mean?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Back when I was actively working on finishing my master\u2019s thesis<\/a>, I used to daydream and plan everything I\u2019d be able to do once I had free time to spare. I even made a list in my planner called \u201cThings I\u2019ll Do When I Finish My Master\u2019s Thesis\u201d (logically).<\/p>\n

The feeling of relief and happiness once the job was done never came. It\u2019s like when you can\u2019t wait to pass an exam, and the moment the exam is over, there\u2019s no euphoria, no happiness, no relief you expected to feel. You\u2019re simply empty. The information that you succeeded is there, but that\u2019s all it is, information. Whether that feeling is normal for other people, I don\u2019t know, but for me it\u2019s always been this way.<\/p>\n

What matters is that \u201cthe worst is over\u201d, and then all that was left was waiting.<\/p>\n

The first month after finishing my master\u2019s was phenomenal. I read and did everything on my aforementioned list. I had plenty of time to enjoy myself, and we also treated ourselves to a trip to Serbia, so that kept me busy too, practically as well as emotionally.<\/p>\n

When Waiting Turns into Hell<\/h2>\n

But once we got back from Serbia to normal everyday life, the waiting turned into hell. My whole future, and to a large extent the future of our family, depended on the grade for my master\u2019s thesis. Will I enroll in a PhD, will I look for another job, what about the visa, and a hundred other anxious questions have been spinning around in my head every day since.<\/p>\n

Everyday chores have become the only \u201coccupation\u201d I have, because somehow I can\u2019t see my purpose right now. There\u2019s my family, of course there\u2019s Sofia, and Beni too. I need to take some of the load off Marko and take on every possible task around the house and with Sofia, so that he can now actively write. There\u2019s always something to tidy up or do around the apartment. But I have nothing concrete to work on, because I\u2019m just waiting. And waiting. And time goes by\u2026<\/p>\n

\"An<\/a><\/p>\n

After more than two months, the results finally came, not as good as I\u2019d hoped, but that doesn\u2019t even matter. It\u2019s over. Now I can finally move on.<\/p>\n

Or can I?<\/p>\n

Every day is still the same. Take Sofka to kindergarten, walk Beni, tidy the house, pick Sofka up from kindergarten and spend time with her, and in between read a little for my soul. And that\u2019s it.<\/p>\n

I drowned myself in everyday routine and my own sense of pointlessness.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I Drowned in My Own Pointlessness<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m not someone who can do nothing for very long<\/strong>, and that\u2019s always been my problem. A month, even two, of having plenty of free time is great. But anything beyond that is too much and leads absolutely nowhere. Instead of recharging, you sink deeper and deeper into an abyss of pointlessness.<\/p>\n

And everything else suffers because of it, more or less\u2026<\/p>\n

This blog suffers too. I wrote it more regularly and was more devoted to it when I had a million obligations, and now that I \u201chave nothing to do\u201d, I can\u2019t even write: no time, can\u2019t, don\u2019t want to\u2026 I don\u2019t even know myself. Time eats itself up, the days go by, and I\u2019m treading water.<\/p>\n

How to Climb Out of the Abyss of Pointlessness<\/h2>\n

I did get moving a little in all that waiting, because I finally signed up at a gym and with that got one more commitment I\u2019ll honestly dedicate myself to and look forward to. And it works. I go to my workouts regularly and feel fantastic afterwards. But even that isn\u2019t enough. It doesn\u2019t give me meaning.<\/p>\n

As Milan Mladenovi\u0107 sang, it\u2019s time to wake up and get moving. And I do have to get moving. Urgently!<\/p>\n

That\u2019s also why I\u2019m writing this post, which may not make much sense to you. But it means a lot to me to put what\u2019s bothering me on this virtual paper, because every time you say or write something out loud, it becomes real, and only then can you start facing it.<\/p>\n

So I hope that now that my sense of pointlessness has taken a tangible form, I\u2019ll finally be able to start searching for my purpose again and find an answer once more to the question \u201cwho am I and what am I striving for\u201d.<\/p>\n

With a goal in front of you, it\u2019s much easier to stay motivated, and I\u2019m at a crossroads and still can\u2019t decide which way to go\u2026 And time doesn\u2019t wait\u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And what do you do when you\u2019re doing nothing? And how long can you go on doing nothing?<\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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