{"id":6603,"date":"2025-02-15T15:41:33","date_gmt":"2025-02-15T14:41:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/najskuplje-reci\/"},"modified":"2026-01-04T18:04:58","modified_gmt":"2026-01-04T17:04:58","slug":"the-most-precious-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/the-most-precious-words\/","title":{"rendered":"The most precious words"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why Is It So Hard to Say Those Two Words\u2014Words That Heal, Comfort, and Provide Security and Protection?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

While reading the fantastic book \u201cMy Name Is Lucy Barton\u201d<\/a><\/em> by Elizabeth Strout, I couldn\u2019t help but reflect on my own relationship with my mother, as well as the relationship she had with her mother, and so on, endlessly into the past.<\/p>\n

What kept running through my mind throughout the entire novel was: Why is it so hard to say those two words\u2014words that heal, comfort, and provide security and protection?<\/p>\n

Why have generations upon generations of our parents, their parents, and their parents before them grown up learning not to show tenderness to their own children, let alone utter those two difficult yet so important words?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The most precious words, which many children (myself included) feel, yet still long to hear from the mouths of the most important people in their lives\u2014their parents.<\/p>\n

\n

I love you.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Why is it so easy to say those same words to our grandchildren, to our own children, even to our friends\u2014but not to our parents?<\/p>\n

Even when we manage to get them out, we often don\u2019t receive the response we expected or needed.<\/p>\n

\n

It\u2019s as if they are made of lead, or as if they are forbidden\u2026<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Like saying Voldemort<\/em>\u2014as if merely speaking them out loud would break their magic, making the feeling disappear.<\/p>\n

I recently had a conversation with a very good friend, who is a little younger than me, about this exact topic. He said: \u201cI have always felt loved, but to this day, I have never heard my parents say \u2018I love you.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I realized we were talking about a universal issue.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What is it about wartime generations, post-war generations, Baby Boomers, and even us Millennials that makes people stay silent about their emotions?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Men, of course, were raised to never show emotions\u2014especially not sadness<\/strong>. Because that would be a sign of weakness, making them \u201cless of a man\u201d if they admitted they were sad. And God forbid they shed a tear!<\/p>\n

I remember when my grandfather lost his own brother. I wasn\u2019t more than 15 years old (so I wasn\u2019t a little child anymore). He was sitting in the living room, trying to suppress the tears that were coming. He didn\u2019t succeed, and he began to sob.<\/p>\n

My grandmother immediately scolded him: \u201cFor heaven\u2019s sake, pull yourself together, the children are watching.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He simply replied: \u201cBut my brother just died.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

That was the first and only time I saw him cry.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t understand why my grandmother had reprimanded him\u2014because I couldn\u2019t even imagine the state I would be in if I were in his place.<\/p>\n

\n

The very thought of having to suppress all those emotions terrified me.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And now, after so many years and countless situations where people were expected to bottle up their feelings because \u201cWhat will people say?\u201d<\/em>, I still don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/p>\n

Why is it socially unacceptable to express completely human emotions\u2014both sadness and love?<\/h3>\n

I\u2019m not saying that people who struggle to say those two magical words don\u2019t love their family or children. Far from it.<\/p>\n

\n

I\u2019m just trying to understand why it is so difficult.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Why is our society built in such a way that it feels like the world will collapse if you say \u201cI love you\u201d<\/em> to your own child?<\/p>\n

Elizabeth Strout\u2019s book, along with many films, confirms the theory that this is a global issue.<\/p>\n

The fantastic series \u201cTrying\u201d<\/a><\/em>, which I wholeheartedly recommend, explores this topic in one of its episodes.<\/p>\n

The main character tries to tell his father that he loves him\u2014but he can\u2019t find the right words. Both of them struggle to get the words out, so they use football analogies to express their love for each other, yet by the end, they still don\u2019t manage to say the words themselves.<\/p>\n

\n

It\u2019s hard, I know. Oh, how well I know.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

To be honest, I\u2019m not even sure how many times in my life I\u2019ve actually said \u201cI love you\u201d<\/em> to my own parents.<\/p>\n

I tell my daughter Sofija every day, to the point where she sometimes replies, half-annoyed: \u201cI know, Mom, you tell me every day.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

When I tell Sofija I love you<\/em>, it\u2019s as easy as breathing air.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But when I turn around and try to say the same words to my own mother, they linger in the air\u2014heavy as lead, impossible to push past my tongue.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/h3>\n

I grew up in a happy and harmonious family. Not a day passed when I didn\u2019t feel safe and loved\u2014both by my parents and by my grandparents.<\/a><\/p>\n

Yet no matter how hard I try, I can\u2019t recall explicitly hearing the words \u201cI love you\u201d<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I heard \u201cWe\u2019re proud of you\u201d<\/em> countless times, along with many other loving words. But not those<\/em> words.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, just because I don\u2019t remember them doesn\u2019t mean they were never spoken.<\/p>\n

But they weren\u2019t said enough for them to stay imprinted in my memory.<\/p>\n

\n

I don\u2019t blame anyone, nor do I want to judge.<\/p>\n

I want to understand.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I want to help create awareness\u2014to open the floodgates and practice saying these difficult words together, until they become easy.<\/p>\n

Because I know the feelings are there.<\/p>\n

Sofija hears them every day.<\/p>\n

So I know they are possible\u2014they exist.<\/p>\n

\n

Let\u2019s say them to each other.<\/p>\n

While we can, while we are here\u2014because when someone is gone, it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And those are usually the moments when we realize we didn\u2019t say them enough. Then all we can do is hope that the one who is no longer here knew we loved them. And they probably did.<\/p>\n

But is that enough?<\/p>\n

To avoid a life filled with regret and what ifs<\/em>\u2014as clich\u00e9 as it may sound\u2014call your parents, your children, and stay in the conversation as long as you need to.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But say the words.<\/p>\n

I promise you, each time will be easier.<\/p>\n

And I am quite certain that the benefits and quality of your relationships will be much greater when that difficult yet so important \u201cI love you\u201d<\/em> is in the air.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why Is It So Hard to Say Those Two Words\u2014Words […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6593,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[828],"tags":[2359,2354,1338,2361,2350,2314,2355,1345,977,1990,1986,2351,1308,2358,1346,1339,1349,1340,1341,973,2352,2360,2357,2319,1207,1342,2353,1989,1348,1925,1268,1218,2242,2349,1343,1347,1344,2356,2348],"class_list":["post-6603","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-witch","tag-breaking-generational-patterns","tag-difficulty-expressing-love","tag-emocije-en","tag-emotional-expression","tag-emotional-expression-in-families","tag-emotional-literacy","tag-emotional-restraint","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-family-relationships","tag-generational-trauma","tag-generational-trauma-and-emotions","tag-healing","tag-healing-family-relationships","tag-i-love-you","tag-kako-reci-volim-te-en","tag-kids","tag-ljubav-prema-deci-en","tag-ljubav-prema-roditeljima-en","tag-love","tag-love-and-emotional-silence","tag-love-in-parenting","tag-men-and-emotions","tag-mental-health","tag-mentalno-zdravlje-en","tag-osecanja-en","tag-parent-child-relationships","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-personal-essay","tag-porodicni-odnosi-en","tag-roditeljska-ljubav-en","tag-s-mama","tag-saying-i-love-you-to-parents","tag-teske-reci-en","tag-two-words","tag-volim-te-en","tag-wartime-generations-and-emotions","tag-why-is-it-hard-to-say-i-love-you"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe most precious words - 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