{"id":6517,"date":"2018-06-24T18:31:43","date_gmt":"2018-06-24T16:31:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/oda-majkama\/"},"modified":"2026-10-20T11:21:11","modified_gmt":"2026-10-20T09:21:11","slug":"ode-to-mothers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/ode-to-mothers\/","title":{"rendered":"Ode to Mothers"},"content":{"rendered":"

How many times did you put yourself in your mother\u2019s shoes before you had children of your own? You never even thought about it, and to be completely honest, neither did I.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

As children, we are very selfish. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I don\u2019t mean anything bad by that. It\u2019s simply a fact. We always put our own needs above the needs of others<\/strong>, and I guess that\u2019s normal. Until the moment we become parents ourselves, and then everything turns upside down<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Why am I thinking about this right now? Well, it\u2019s actually not a new thought running through my head. But it usually resurfaces exactly when my little daughter needs me most: around 3 a.m., while she is \u201cburning up\u201d with fever and I\u2019m sitting on the floor next to her bed in her room. She is either asleep or stroking my hair, and I can\u2019t sleep until the mercury in the thermometer drops back to normal.<\/p>\n

Those are moments of helplessness, when we don\u2019t know how to help our dearest ones, even though we would give anything in the world to be the ones shaking with fever, aching from teeth coming in, or whatever else is troubling them. And then it isn\u2019t hard to stay with them all night, and to doze off on the floor if need be. Because that\u2019s probably the least we can do for them.<\/p>\n

But in the morning, it\u2019s time not only for the everyday duties of home and family; we are also caught up by the duties that are first and foremost our own: work, studies and\/or writing a master\u2019s thesis. And so, tired and worried, we put concealer on our dark circles, brew liters of coffee and keep going.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, all the time I\u2019m not with Sofka, especially when she\u2019s unwell, I worry every other moment, and I feel guilty that I\u2019m not watching Simba for the thousandth time instead of reading statistics on software and hardware and connecting them to Friedrich Kittler\u2019s theory of technological determinism.<\/p>\n

And until recently, I couldn\u2019t do it. Whenever she needed me, I would drop everything and be with her. But then reality hits harder than we ever expected, because obligations don\u2019t wait, and time flies.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So I managed to switch into \u201cI can do this, I have to do this\u201d mode, because I realized that this is the only way: knowing that I\u2019ve done something that will soon bring good to my whole family. This way, I believe I\u2019ve done more for her than if I had been nervous and unhappy that I\u2019d once again gotten nothing done, while the deadlines kept getting closer and hopelessness and uncertainty for the whole family loomed on the horizon.<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean I love her any less or that I consider the time spent with her wasted. Quite the opposite. Balance between family and obligations is something I have long been striving for, and I suppose we all are, aren\u2019t we?<\/p>\n

On the other hand, there\u2019s nothing defeating about it, and I\u2019m no less of a mother if Dad<\/strong> looks after her a little more, even when she\u2019s sick, because imagine this: he is a parent too, he worries too, and he can do everything Mom can do, maybe even more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Mima<\/a>

Whether we realize it or not, it was from our mothers that we learned to be good mothers to our children.<\/p><\/div>\n

And then I can\u2019t help but think of my own mother.<\/strong> She, too, always watched over us when we were sick. In the middle of the night she was there to give me medicine, change my clothes and try to wake me when I had nightmares and was delirious with fever.<\/p>\n

Only now the perspective has changed<\/strong>, and now I wonder what it was like for her<\/em>: how did she manage to go to work in the morning, work 8 hours and then come home and take care of us again? How did she keep from collapsing with exhaustion, and how did she manage to concentrate on work with all her worry for us?<\/p>\n

Yes, children are selfish. And shame on me for not thinking about this sooner. I\u2019m ashamed, and I want to change it.<\/p>\n

Then it occurs to me that one day Sofka, too, will think more about the fact that I had to go to work instead of being with her, and how unfair that was, and she surely won\u2019t think that Mom had to, and that besides her and Dad, Mom also loves her work.<\/p>\n

A thousand times I was secretly angry when Mom shut herself in her room to study for exams (yes, my mom is a queen who finished college with two small children, because she is ambitious and smart and never wanted to settle for average, not even today. So go figure, Mima, who you take after\u2026).<\/p>\n

And now I\u2019m the one who disappears for a few hours into the study or the reading room, while Sofka sends me off with \u201cBye, Mommy! Work, write!\u201d Don\u2019t think for a second that I don\u2019t feel guilty every single time. I like to believe that she isn\u2019t angry with me and that she\u2019ll understand, and I\u2019m ashamed that I so often didn\u2019t understand my mom.<\/p>\n

But I suppose that\u2019s all part of growing up and maturing, of personal evolution and self-knowledge.<\/p>\n

The point of the story is this: even though it\u2019s not International Women\u2019s Day, or Mother\u2019s Day, or any other holiday when we suddenly remember all mothers and women and praise them in often empty ways, I want to do it today with all my heart, in the way I know best, with words:<\/p>\n

To apologize to all moms on behalf of all the children who don\u2019t understand them when they need it most, and to tell them that at least now we understand them and admire them more than ever.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We have the internet, social media and blogs to complain to one another, and our mothers didn\u2019t have that. Which doesn\u2019t mean it wasn\u2019t hard for them, or that they didn\u2019t feel guilty, or that they didn\u2019t love us endlessly.<\/p>\n

And precisely because they gritted their teeth, rolled up their sleeves, kissed us and hugged us and managed all of it at the same time, that is why we admire them and why we thank them.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because where would we be, if they hadn\u2019t been the way they were\u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thank you, Mom, and I\u2019m sorry.<\/strong><\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How many times did you put yourself in your mother\u2019s […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8210,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[3226,4372,1168,4396,983],"class_list":["post-6517","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mother","tag-mom-guilt","tag-mother-daughter-relationship","tag-motherhood","tag-studying-with-kids","tag-super-dad"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nOde to Mothers: When You Finally Understand Your Mother<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you only understand your mother once you become one? 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