{"id":6507,"date":"2020-02-28T12:58:16","date_gmt":"2020-02-28T11:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/ko-cuva-dete\/"},"modified":"2024-12-26T16:03:11","modified_gmt":"2024-12-26T15:03:11","slug":"whos-watching-your-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/whos-watching-your-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Who\u2019s Watching Your Child and Other Absurdities"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been over a month since I returned from an entirely unplanned trip to Serbia. Alongside all the deeply emotional events that still need time to settle before I can write about them, the main \u201caftertaste\u201d lingering since day one of my return is the sheer amount of nonsense\u2014dare I say absurdities\u2014that people down there feel compelled to say.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve been shocked by others\u2019 comments or questions, and I\u2019ve written about it before<\/a>, particularly about remarks directed at Sofia or concerning her.<\/p>\n

I understand that we\u2019ve been living abroad for a long time and that we\u2019ve not only forgotten or suppressed many things from our past environment but also adopted aspects of the culture here (because, let\u2019s be honest, it\u2019s easy to get used to good things). But everything has its limits, even human\u2014or shall I say, cultural\u2014ignorance.<\/p>\n

People have a need to comment on everything and meddle more in other people\u2019s lives than their own, and that\u2019s just how it is down there. I\u2019m not discovering America here, I know. Complaining is also a national pastime, yet no one seems willing to take responsibility for their one and only life or their own actions. That\u2019s just the way we are as a people. I\u2019m aware of all this.<\/p>\n

What specifically bothers me, though, is the commentary and astonishment over things that are completely normal and reasonable life choices for us.<\/p>\n

But let\u2019s start from the beginning.<\/p>\n

This was the first time I traveled alone, without Marko or Sofia\u2014not by choice, but because we were forced into it by German bureaucracy (yes, we still haven\u2019t resolved our status here; shocking, I know).<\/a><\/p>\n

The reason for this sudden trip wasn\u2019t pleasant, so I secretly hoped to avoid all the usual clich\u00e9s people direct at someone who hasn\u2019t lived in Serbia for ages.<\/p>\n

I hoped\u2014but was, yet again, proved wrong by reality.<\/p>\n

This time, the most frequent question after “Why did you come alone without your husband and child<\/em>?” was: “So, who\u2019s watching your child?<\/em><\/strong>”<\/p>\n

I understood this as an implicit judgment: What kind of mother leaves her young child to who-knows-whose mercy just to go gallivanting around on her own?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wait a minute\u2014if I came without Marko and without Sofia, doesn\u2019t it stand to reason that Marko, who is her father after all, is taking care of not my<\/em> child but our<\/em> child?<\/p>\n

Yes, this is normal to me\u2014but not to others.<\/p>\n

The inevitable follow-up question to my answer, “Marko is taking care of her, who else?” was: “But does he know how? And who\u2019s helping him?<\/strong>”<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t describe the repeated shock I felt, because, as I\u2019ve mentioned, this wasn\u2019t a one-time occurrence.<\/p>\n

And no, no one asked me if it was hard for me to be without them, how I was coping with being separated from Sofia for the first time for more than a day, or how difficult it must be for the two of them not to be here during this time.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Maybe the problem is me.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s unrealistic and unfair for me to expect that my life choices and the life Marko and I have built together\u2014tailored to our needs and circumstances\u2014should be representative or acceptable to others. No, I don\u2019t want to impose anything on anyone. Everyone has the right to choose their partner, how they raise their children, and how they organize their lives.<\/p>\n

Clearly, our life doesn\u2019t fit the majority\u2019s mold\u2014and frankly, I\u2019m very proud of that.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marko is someone who, from the very start of our relationship, and later our marriage, has made every effort\u2014for me, for our shared home, and for Sofia. He\u2019s dedicated and selfless when it comes to his family. He\u2019s the head chef in our home, and I\u2019m never embarrassed to admit it\u2014far from it, I\u2019m proud of it. In our home, there\u2019s never been such a thing as “men\u2019s work” and “women\u2019s work”; we\u2019ve always done everything together. Literally everything.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So, if Marko can wash dishes, cook, and clean the house, why on earth wouldn\u2019t he be capable of taking care of his own child?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, this brings us to the deeper assumption about what a man is allowed, able, and supposed to do in his home and for his family.<\/p>\n

And here, again, we don\u2019t fit the mold. Imagine this: in addition to fixing things around the house, he also enjoys and takes pride in maintaining it\u2014not by putting his feet up and complaining about what\u2019s dirty, but by addressing it himself or working with me to handle it. Unbelievable, right? Or maybe not.<\/p>\n

For us, this is entirely normal. But just how abnormal it is for others becomes glaringly apparent when guests from the Balkans visit us and are shocked at how we function and what Marko does around the house. I can\u2019t count the times I\u2019ve heard, “Wow, you\u2019re so lucky to have a husband like him.”<\/p>\n

Yes, I know I\u2019m lucky, and I thank God every day for having him just the way he is.<\/strong> But I won\u2019t pretend to be modest here. My husband never misses the chance to respond to such remarks with, “Well, considering I have a perfect wife, I have to be a perfect husband<\/strong>.” It\u2019s not about actual perfection. We both feel the need to respond to such comments with exaggeration. Neither of us is perfect, nor are we striving to be.<\/p>\n

This is just how things work for us\u2014we\u2019re not subordinate to each other; we\u2019re partners, equals. And when we make mistakes, we make them together.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Don\u2019t forget that we live here without the large extended family that could step in whenever we need help. Sure, my Ana is a tremendous support and help, but she\u2019s a student here, with her own life and problems. It\u2019s unrealistic to expect her to drop everything whenever we feel like it. We try to minimize how much we rely on her because Sofia is, first and foremost, our child. We wanted her, and we take care of her. Simple as that.<\/p>\n

So yes, it wasn\u2019t easy for Marko to handle a week alone with Sofia, Beni, and all his other responsibilities. But he managed it like a champ, without a single complaint. Just as I\u2019ve done many times when he\u2019s had to travel for work. And guess what? Back then, no one asked how I would manage on my own, whether I\u2019d know how, or if I had help.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s what bothers me about all this: the double standards. The conformity to molds. The clucking and eye-rolling at anything even slightly different. The outdated prejudices that are alive and well. That\u2019s what hurts me because, my dear people, despite having the internet, smartphones, and other wonders of the 21st century, many of you haven\u2019t mentally or behaviorally progressed beyond the Middle Ages.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nS-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been over a month since I returned from an […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[858,1056],"tags":[1232,1011,977,978,1233,1234,1235,1236,1237,1238,1162,1239,1240,1241,983,1242],"class_list":["post-6507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-myth-busting","category-super-mama-en","tag-azbijanje-mitova-en","tag-balkans","tag-family","tag-family-is-the-most-important","tag-komentarisanje-drugih-en","tag-kultura-en","tag-moj-izbor-en","tag-moj-zivot-en","tag-nekultura-en","tag-organizacija-en","tag-predrasude-en","tag-primitivni-komentari-en","tag-slideshow-en","tag-srednji-vek-en","tag-super-dad","tag-zajednica-en"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWho\u2019s Watching Your Child and Other Absurdities - S-Mama Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People have a need to comment on everything and meddle more in other people\u2019s lives than their own. 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