{"id":6507,"date":"2020-02-28T12:58:16","date_gmt":"2020-02-28T11:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/ko-cuva-dete\/"},"modified":"2026-10-21T17:44:50","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T15:44:50","slug":"whos-watching-your-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/whos-watching-your-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Who\u2019s Watching Your Child and Other Absurdities"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a month since I came back from a completely unplanned trip to Serbia. Besides all the very emotional events that still need to \u201csettle\u201d before I can write about them, the main aftertaste that has stayed with me since my first day back is the sheer amount of nonsense, not to say absurdity, that people down there throw at you.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve been shocked by other people\u2019s comments or questions, and I wrote about it in an earlier post where I dealt with the remarks people make about Sofia and to Sofia directly.<\/a><\/p>\n

I get that we\u2019ve been living abroad for a long time now and that we\u2019ve forgotten, and repressed, a lot of things, but we\u2019ve also adopted a lot from the culture here (because it\u2019s easy to get used to good things, right?). But everything has its limits, including human, not to say cultural, stupidity.<\/p>\n

People feel the need to comment on absolutely everything and to busy themselves with other people\u2019s lives more than their own, and that\u2019s just how it is down there. I haven\u2019t discovered America here, I know. People also complain about absolutely everything, yet nobody takes responsibility for their one and only life and their own actions. That\u2019s the kind of people we are, I guess. I\u2019m aware of all that.<\/p>\n

What actually bothers me in all of this is the commenting and the outrage over things and life decisions that are completely normal to us.<\/p>\n

But let\u2019s start from the beginning.<\/p>\n

This was the first time I\u2019d traveled alone, without Marko and Sofia, which wasn\u2019t our choice: we were forced into it by the German authorities (yes, we still haven\u2019t sorted out our status here, can you imagine).<\/p>\n

The reason I had to travel so suddenly was anything but nice, so I secretly hoped I\u2019d manage to avoid all the usual clich\u00e9s aimed at someone who hasn\u2019t lived in Serbia for ages.<\/p>\n

I hoped, and that\u2019s as far as it went. Reality proved me wrong, for the umpteenth time.<\/p>\n

This time, the most common question after why I\u2019d come alone without my husband and daughter<\/em> was so who\u2019s watching your child?<\/em><\/p>\n

I understood it as the implicit question what kind of mother leaves her young child at the mercy of who knows whom and comes here to gallivant around on her own?<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hold on, if I came without Marko and without Sofia, isn\u2019t it only logical that Marko, who happens to be her father, is looking after not my child but OUR child?!<\/p>\n

Yes, to me that\u2019s normal, but not to others.<\/p>\n

The question that followed my answer, that Marko\u2019s looking after her, who else, was always but will he know how?<\/em> and who\u2019s helping him?<\/em><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how to describe my shock, which repeated itself again and again, because, as I said, I got that absurd string of questions more than once.<\/p>\n

And no, nobody asked me whether it was hard for me that they weren\u2019t with me, how I was coping with being separated from Sofia for more than a day for the first time, or how hard it was for the two of them not to be able to be there.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

Maybe the problem is me.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s unrealistic and unfair of me to expect my life choices, and the life the two of us have built to our own measure, means and needs, to be what\u2019s considered representative and acceptable to others. No, I don\u2019t want to impose anything on anyone. Everyone has a choice: to choose their partner, to choose how to raise their children, to choose how to organize their own life.<\/p>\n

Our life clearly doesn\u2019t fit the mold of the majority, and to be honest with you, I\u2019m very proud of that.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

From the very first day of our relationship, and later our marriage, Marko has given everything his all. First me, then our shared home, then Sofia. He\u2019s devoted and selfless when it comes to his family. He\u2019s the head chef in our house, and I\u2019m never embarrassed to admit it, far from it, I\u2019m proud of it. In our house there have never been men\u2019s jobs and women\u2019s jobs, we\u2019ve always done everything together. Literally everything.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So hold on, if Marko can wash the dishes, cook and clean the house, why on earth wouldn\u2019t he be able to take care of his own child by himself?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Which, of course, brings us to the underlying assumption of what a man is allowed<\/em> to do, able to do and supposed to do in his home and for his family.<\/p>\n

Well, we don\u2019t fit the mold there either. Imagine: besides fixing everything around the house himself, he knows how to take care of it and likes doing it, not by putting his feet up and nagging about everything that\u2019s dirty, but by sorting it out himself or together with me. Unbelievable, right? Well, not really.<\/p>\n

To us, all of this is completely normal, and how abnormal it is to others we only realize when someone from the Balkans comes to visit and starts being scandalized by how we function and everything he actually does around the house. I\u2019ve heard the sentence oh, lucky you, what a husband you have<\/em> more than a few times.<\/p>\n

Yes, I know, lucky me<\/em><\/a>, and I thank God every day for having him just the way he is.<\/strong> But I won\u2019t be falsely modest here, because my husband never misses a chance to answer that kind of remark with well, since I have a perfect wife, I have to be a perfect husband<\/em>. It\u2019s not about perfection as such, it\u2019s that we both feel the need to answer such remarks with exaggeration. Neither of us is perfect, and neither of us is trying to be.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s how things work with us: we\u2019re not subordinate to each other, we\u2019re partners, equals, and even when we make mistakes, we make them together.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Don\u2019t forget that we live here without a big extended family that could jump in whenever we feel like it. Of course my Ana is a huge help and support to us, but she\u2019s a student here, she has her own life and her own problems, and it\u2019s unrealistic to put her in a position where she has to drop everything and show up every time we happen to need her. We try to bother and burden her as little as possible, because Sofia is first and foremost our child, we wanted her and we take care of her.<\/strong> Simple as that.<\/p>\n

So it certainly wasn\u2019t easy for Marko, spending a week alone with Sofia and Beni and all his other commitments. But he handled it like a king, without a single word of complaint. Just like I\u2019ve done many times when he had to travel for work on his own. And imagine, back then nobody wondered how I\u2019d manage alone, whether I\u2019d know how, or whether I had someone to help me.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s what bothers me in this whole story. Double standards. Forcing people into molds. The tutting and eye-rolling at anything even slightly different. Outdated, long-overcome prejudices that are, oh, very much alive. That\u2019s what hurts me, because, my dears, having the internet, new phones and who knows what other wonders of the 21st century doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ve moved past the Middle Ages in your attitudes and behavior.<\/p>\n

Warmly,<\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a month since I came back from a […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7940,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[1011,4511,977,4527,983],"class_list":["post-6507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mother","tag-balkans","tag-double-standards","tag-family","tag-prejudice","tag-super-dad"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDads Don\u2019t Babysit: Who\u2019s Watching Your Child? | S-Mama<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When a mom travels alone, everyone asks who\u2019s watching the child. 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