{"id":6385,"date":"2021-05-21T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-21T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/woman-is-womans-wolf\/"},"modified":"2026-10-25T12:13:46","modified_gmt":"2026-10-25T11:13:46","slug":"woman-is-womans-wolf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/woman-is-womans-wolf\/","title":{"rendered":"Woman Is a Wolf to Woman?"},"content":{"rendered":"

The real woman? Who is she?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Is she the one who has three children, a husband, a house, a car?<\/p>\n

Or is she the one who has her dream job, professional respect and prestige?<\/p>\n

Or is she the one who has a partner?<\/p>\n

Or the one who is alone?<\/p>\n

Or the one who has one child and no husband?<\/p>\n

Or the one for whom material things matter more than emotional ones?<\/p>\n

Are all of the women listed above real women, or none of them?<\/p>\n

If you ask me, all the women in these examples, real and imagined, are real women, fulfilled in their own way. But if you ask society \u2013 none of them actually are.<\/p>\n

There are these unwritten rules, which I used to think were specific to one particular corner of our planet, about who (not to say what<\/em>) a woman MUST be. And don\u2019t worry, I won\u2019t list them all now, there was enough listing at the beginning of this text. Because, however you look at it, a woman in patriarchal societies like the ones we live in can never fulfil everything that is asked of her<\/strong>, and the people around her always make her feel bad because she hasn\u2019t achieved that something yet.<\/em><\/p>\n

Reading the book \u201cWhy We Matter\u201d by Emilia Roig<\/a>, I came across the astonishing fact that all over the world a woman\u2019s identity is inseparably linked to her identity as a mother.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What does that actually mean?<\/p>\n

A woman is only considered a \u201ccomplete?!\u201d woman from her second child onwards. By the same logic, women who have one child are \u201chalf-women\u201d, and those who decide not to have children or cannot have any \u2013 are not women at all. Yes, that is exactly how I felt when I read it.<\/p>\n

\n

What good is all our technology, all our evolutionary \u201cprogress\u201d and the rest of the empty phrases when we stubbornly keep reducing a woman to her functioning uterus?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I am a mother. I became one by choice and because I wanted to.<\/p>\n

But I also don\u2019t believe that women who don\u2019t have children (for whatever reason) are any less women<\/em> than I am, or unworthy of that title. Just as I don\u2019t believe that women who have more children are super-women compared to the rest. We are all exactly that \u2013 women<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The saddest part of this whole story is that centuries of patriarchy have convinced us that we are each other\u2019s competition<\/strong>, and that it is perfectly acceptable, not to say desirable, to compare ourselves with each other in order to put the other one down.<\/p>\n

It is not enough that legal and state systems put us in the caste of second-class citizens.<\/p>\n

It is not enough that men discriminate against us at every step, consciously or not.<\/p>\n

No. Come on, we can do it so much better ourselves, so, sister dear, go ahead and hit your sister.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And why? To help the system and its values stay exactly as they are?<\/p>\n

\"Mima<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

I am not superior to anyone.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Oh, how much judgement and contempt I carried inside me for every woman who did not share the values I had at that point in my life.<\/p>\n

I have a boyfriend, and she doesn\u2019t \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

I am studying, and she isn\u2019t \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

I go to church regularly and I fast, and she doesn\u2019t \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

My wedding had fewer guests \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

I have a husband, and she doesn\u2019t \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

I am pregnant, and she isn\u2019t \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

My child is better than yours<\/a> \u2013 I am better.<\/p>\n

But also \u2013 she has a PhD, and I don\u2019t \u2013 she is better.<\/p>\n

She has three children, and I don\u2019t \u2013 she is better.<\/p>\n

She travels all the time, and I don\u2019t \u2013 she is better.<\/p>\n

\n

I wasn\u2019t better at anything, nor was I worse. But I was toxic to myself just because of thoughts like these.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Luckily, we keep learning as long as we live. Only once we realise what mistakes we make in everyday life, especially towards others, can we become aware of them and actively work on correcting them.<\/p>\n

And this didn\u2019t come to us naturally \u2013 from the day we are born, society teaches us that we are worth less and that only a certain type of woman is \u201cmore worthy\u201d than the others.<\/p>\n

Why are women who are obedient better than those who refuse to stay quiet<\/a>? Why are women who are religious seen as more modest than those who aren\u2019t? Why is the one in a long skirt worth more than the one in short shorts?<\/p>\n

Can a woman really be reduced to belonging to her husband<\/a>, her family, to taking care of the house, to obeying the state and the church, to motherhood?<\/p>\n

Why is a woman who wears a hijab worth less than one who proudly shows off her shaved head?<\/p>\n

What are these divisions for?<\/p>\n

This is not a competition. Or rather, in that narrative there are no winners except those who profit from such divisions all along.<\/p>\n

If feminism was supposed to bring us anything so far, it is (besides the right to vote) the right to decide, each of us for herself, how we want to look<\/a>, what we want to do, whether we want to have children, whether we want to make our relationships official or choose to be on our own.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

I just want us to hear each other. And to stop valuing each other by categories that are only subjectively relevant.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Enough is enough!<\/p>\n

So I ask you: the next time you see a woman on the street or in your feed who is different from you in any way, stop that nasty judgemental thought and don\u2019t let it out, not even as a joke.<\/p>\n

Because you can be sure that you too (although perfect for yourself) are the target of someone\u2019s contempt because of the decisions you make every day and the way you live your life, and those things hurt.<\/p>\n

We can and must replace contempt and envy with support and genuine joy for the other woman.<\/p>\n

\n

Let\u2019s turn the narrative around and, for a change, support each other, because today that may be more important than ever.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Warmly,<\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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