{"id":6381,"date":"2022-07-01T12:00:45","date_gmt":"2022-07-01T10:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/can-a-housewife-be-a-feminist\/"},"modified":"2026-10-25T11:50:04","modified_gmt":"2026-10-25T10:50:04","slug":"feminism-choice-motherhood-identity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/feminism-choice-motherhood-identity\/","title":{"rendered":"Can a housewife be a feminist?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Does one rule out the other? And why should it? A housewife and a feminist, beautiful and smart!<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>We love dualisms. Black and white, male and female, housewife and feminist\u2026<\/p>\n<p>But we very often forget that <strong>life isn\u2019t so simple that we can sort everything into polarised opposites<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>How wide is the spectrum of colours between black and white? Yes, huge.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And it\u2019s the same with every other category.<\/p>\n<p>As always in analyses like this, it\u2019s best to start with myself.<\/p>\n<p>Countless times I have \u201cfelt bad\u201d for enjoying something \u201cthat contradicts my outspoken feminism\u201d. But there\u2019s no need!<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Because that is exactly what feminism is: freedom! The freedom for a woman to choose what she does or doesn\u2019t want to be, what she does or doesn\u2019t want to do.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Today was \u201cmy day\u201d, when I was supposed to go into town, to some caf\u00e9, and write. Just that, enjoy myself and let my hand dance across the keyboard. But I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Was the decision conscious or automatic, the kind we all carry somewhere in our subconscious when that little worm switches on, \u201cwell, you could spend more time with your family\u201d, or \u201cbut you haven\u2019t brought in the laundry and here you are gadding about\u201d, and a million similar sentences, learned and deeply carved into our heads?<\/p>\n<p>I like to believe that this time the decision was mine and rational, because hey, why spend another 5\u20137 euros today when I have perfect coffee at home?<\/p>\n<p>But all of that matters less.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mima_smama\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/IMG_20220419_113015_849-e1656623662274-800x1000.jpg\" alt=\"Mima in glasses and a blue scarf\" width=\"800\" height=\"1000\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>What does matter are those <strong>damned learned behaviours<\/strong> that every woman carries with her, no matter how emancipated or educated she is, how well she knows and practises her feminism.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I <strong>am a feminist<\/strong>, and not a hidden one at all.<\/p>\n<p>But yes, I still <strong>carry my learned, internalised \u201cfemale\u201d behaviours (deeply carved in by patriarchy) around with me.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But am I any less of a feminist when I enjoy my role as a mother? Or as a wife? When I get up before everyone in the morning and make packed lunches for Marko and Sofia, and do it with a smile on my face?<\/p>\n<p>Honestly, I wouldn\u2019t say I am, because it\u2019s <strong>my personal choice.<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Being a wife and a feminist doesn\u2019t rule out either. That is exactly the beauty of freedom of choice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If I want to do something for myself, I can.<\/p>\n<p>If I want to do something for the people I love, I can do that too.<\/p>\n<h2>And What About \u201cthe Others\u201d?<\/h2>\n<p>Don\u2019t women who \u201cby the template\u201d wouldn\u2019t be called feminists deserve equal rights too?<\/p>\n<p>A few days ago Marko and I finally started watching the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=NMSCOntWhh4\">documentary series \u201cShe Awakens\u201d<\/a>, and already in the first episode we had that \u201caha\u201d moment.<\/p>\n<p>The documentary mentions that if a woman takes \u201ctoo much\u201d care of her appearance, especially through lots of cosmetic procedures, society automatically sees her as \u201cempty\u201d (not to say stupid) and reduces her to her sexuality, which, of course, is understood in a negative way.<\/p>\n<p>But wait, aren\u2019t those double standards?<\/p>\n<p>And is it really a fact that \u201cpretty, well-groomed\u201d women can\u2019t be feminists?<\/p>\n<p>Do they have less right to freedom and choice?<\/p>\n<p>If those of us who don\u2019t wear make-up, don\u2019t diet and don\u2019t want to fit into \u201cindustry standards\u201d demand to be accepted as we are, then isn\u2019t it just as much <strong>a legitimate choice for other women to look the way they want<\/strong>: in full make-up, with implants, in high heels? I would say it is.<\/p>\n<p>Because <strong>reducing anyone to their looks<\/strong>, by the principle of <em>dumb and pretty<\/em> versus <em>smart and ugly<\/em>, is <strong>problematic in itself and part of that very same patriarchy.<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>A woman is a woman. And every woman must have the right to choose, in every sense and every respect!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>So the fact that Pamela looks the way she does is her right, her choice, and it doesn\u2019t mean she is stupid, any more than any other woman is. Nor does she deserve to be treated as less important, less valuable and looked down on <strong>by men or by other women.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/billieeilish\/\">Billie Eilish<\/a> proved this best with her own example. Recently she was called out online <em>for suddenly becoming too feminine overnight and then going back to wearing baggy clothes<\/em>. When she was asked why, she said, plain and simple: <strong>because I can!<\/strong> And that is feminism!<\/p>\n<p>If today I want to walk around in shorts with <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/bodyshaming\/\">unshaved legs<\/a>, I can.<\/p>\n<p>If tomorrow I want to put on a ball gown, I can.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>One doesn\u2019t rule out the other, and you are no less of a woman or less of a feminist if you switch between those two \u201cextremes\u201d.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And that is what we need to understand.<\/p>\n<h2>Woman, Mother, Feminist<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mima_smama\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/IMG_20220525_110225_594.jpg\" alt=\"Mima and Sofka in a paper crown, hugging\" width=\"768\" height=\"960\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Being a devoted mother and wife doesn\u2019t make you worth less as a person. Nor does putting your own needs before your family\u2019s make you a bad mother or wife; it simply makes you a person with needs.<\/p>\n<p>And yes, this is very different from the times before feminism. Because our grandmothers and great-grandmothers had no choice; they had to be what was expected of them, and nobody even gave them the option not to.<\/p>\n<p>We can. So why shouldn\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p>Why shouldn\u2019t I enjoy cooking lunch? Why shouldn\u2019t I be the perfect <em>housewife<\/em> today? Complete with my <em>men\u2019s<\/em> haircut, in tight leggings?<\/p>\n<p>And tomorrow sit with a coffee in my hand, reading a book, while my husband sorts out the laundry? And enjoy it.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I am a <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/woman-is-womans-wolf\/\">woman<\/a> and I\u2019m proud of it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And only I <strong>get to choose what I will and won\u2019t be. And that can change.<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Because <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/how-should-a-woman-live\/\">feminism is freedom<\/a> for all women, without exception.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And that\u2019s why I am a feminist. First of all for myself, and then even more for Sofia.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I want my daughter to have even more choice and less pressure than I have.<\/strong> So that she doesn\u2019t have to fight battles with herself, and above all not with others, over what she can and can\u2019t be.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I am a feminist because I am a woman, and the other way round.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Warmly,<\/p>\n<p><em>S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does one rule out the other? And why should it? <a href=\"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/feminism-choice-motherhood-identity\/\"> [&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8523,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[858,828],"tags":[891,2263,2807,896,2816],"class_list":["post-6381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-texts","category-witch","tag-feminism-en","tag-feminism-and-choice","tag-housewife-and-feminist","tag-patriarchy-en","tag-womens-rights"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Can a Housewife Be a Feminist? On Freedom of Choice<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Can a housewife be a feminist? Many think you can\u2019t be both. 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