{"id":6199,"date":"2023-10-03T10:26:58","date_gmt":"2023-10-03T08:26:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/?p=6199"},"modified":"2026-10-22T10:26:38","modified_gmt":"2026-10-22T08:26:38","slug":"good-girl-syndrome","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smama.blog\/en\/good-girl-syndrome\/","title":{"rendered":"Good Girl Syndrome"},"content":{"rendered":"

As the mum of a girl, I don\u2019t even know how many times I have said \u201cmy good girl\u201d or \u201cbe a good girl\u201d, and in doing so unknowingly fed the \u201cgood girl syndrome\u201d. But what does it actually mean?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Be good<\/em> means, above all, be obedient<\/strong> (not to say submissive<\/em>).<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be loud<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t stand out<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Make yourself small<\/strong>, so you don\u2019t take up too much space.<\/p>\n

Give up<\/strong> your toy, your seat, your position to someone else.<\/p>\n

And of course, don\u2019t be a threat<\/strong> to boys.<\/p>\n

Because good girls don\u2019t go against<\/strong> anyone.<\/p>\n

Good girls don\u2019t argue with anyone.<\/p>\n

Good girls are always smiling<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Nobody feels bad or uncomfortable in their company.<\/p>\n

All of this leads to us being programmed to be submissive and to put other people\u2019s needs and feelings before our own.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

To step out of the way and keep quiet<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Because we are good girls.<\/p>\n

Of course, everything above is socially conditioned behaviour and a key feature of patriarchy<\/strong>, in which girls, and later women, are put in a subordinate role.<\/p>\n

It is dangerous and hypocritical that we call this subordination \u201cpositive\u201d traits, hidden behind the clich\u00e9 of the \u201cgood girl\u201d.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Boys Are Raised Differently<\/h2>\n

They are allowed to be loud, because they\u2019re boys.<\/p>\n

They are allowed to run riot, because they\u2019re boys, they\u2019re just full of energy<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Nobody tells them off in the same tone and with the same undertone, because \u201cbeing a good boy\u201d can in no way be compared with what being a \u201cgood girl\u201d means.<\/p>\n

And that is why it\u2019s socially accepted to excuse any male behaviour with the well-known \u201cboys will be boys\u201d, and even the phrase \u201cbad boy<\/strong>\u201d is socially accepted as something sexy and exciting rather than negative.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s patriarchy \u201cin a nutshell\u201d.<\/p>\n

And none of this goes away with the years (as we grow up).<\/p>\n

Good girls become \u201cgood women\u201d<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And \u201cboys will be boys<\/strong>\u201d.<\/p>\n

And those same boys grow into men who believe the whole world should be subordinate to them, above all because they are men.<\/p>\n

Those same boys are hurt by the \u201cinjustice\u201d that, imagine, women are now fighting for their rights<\/em>, which in their eyes means trying to take away something that belongs to them by natural right.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That\u2019s why the Barbie film hurts them.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why it\u2019s not okay with them when a woman cuts her hair short.<\/p>\n

When a woman earns more than they do<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Or has a better position, which, imagine, she didn\u2019t get \u201cjust because she\u2019s a woman\u201d, but because of her competence.<\/p>\n

When she says \u201cNO\u201d, loud and clear.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When she doesn\u2019t smile all the time.<\/p>\n

When she doesn\u2019t step aside in the street for the people coming towards her.<\/p>\n

When she speaks her mind.<\/p>\n

Because those are all \u201cboys\u2019 traits\u201d, so it doesn\u2019t fit the matrix.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s Why It\u2019s Time to Stop Raising \u201cGood Girls\u201d and \u201cBad Boys\u201d<\/h2>\n

For a change, let\u2019s raise self-aware, healthy children<\/strong>, regardless of the sex they were born with or the roles society conditions them into!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

When I think about \u201cgood girls\u201d, I can\u2019t help thinking of the scene in Titanic when Rose, in the phase of finally breaking out of the \u201cgood girl\u201d cocoon, sits at one of the dinners with her mother and her mother\u2019s friends (where her mother, of course, doesn\u2019t take her or her needs seriously, because whatever she says has to match what is expected of her).<\/p>\n

At the next table Rose sees a girl, no older than five or six, sitting nicely and obediently in white gloves, straightening her back and, like a \u201cproper little lady\u201d, placing a white napkin on her lap<\/a> so she won\u2019t get dirty while eating.<\/p>\n

That is the turning point of the film, because Rose realises that she, too, has been \u201ctrained\u201d since birth to be exactly that: a good girl. And then she finally starts acting the way she feels, against all the \u201ccodes\u201d.<\/p>\n

I Grew Up a Good Girl<\/h2>\n

Always good.<\/p>\n

Well brought up.<\/p>\n

Never cheeky or loud.<\/p>\n

Never disobedient.<\/p>\n

Always followed the rules.<\/p>\n

Always ticked all the boxes.<\/p>\n

Always respected authority.<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t want Sofka to be a good girl.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I want to continue breaking the cycle we have been going round in for centuries, and finally end it.<\/p>\n

I want her to be loud.<\/strong><\/p>\n

To laugh loudly and speak her mind<\/strong>, even when nobody agrees with her.<\/p>\n

To say \u201cNO\u201d<\/strong>, loud and clear, to anything that doesn\u2019t feel right to her (yes, even to us as her parents or to any other kind of \u201cauthority\u201d).<\/p>\n

To never make herself smaller<\/strong> so that others look bigger.<\/p>\n

Not to be ashamed of knowing things<\/strong>, and not to let others talk her into being wrong just because they are more confident.<\/p>\n

Every time someone tells her \u201cbut dinosaurs are boys\u2019 toys\u201d, I want her to snap back with her \u201cYes, so?!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to be a good girl anymore! And I won\u2019t raise a good girl!<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I Want to Raise a Strong, Self-Aware Girl!<\/h2>\n

One who knows what she wants<\/strong> and isn\u2019t afraid<\/strong> to achieve anything in life.<\/p>\n

One who says exactly what she feels and doesn\u2019t suppress her feelings<\/strong> \u201cfor the good of others\u201d.<\/p>\n

And puts her own needs before other people\u2019s expectations.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s the kind of girl I try to be.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the kind of girl I want Sofka to be.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the kind of girl I want every girl and woman in the world to be!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Let\u2019s change the narrative!<\/p>\n

I try not to tell Sofka that she\u2019s a good girl anymore, but that she\u2019s a strong girl.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That she\u2019s a brave girl.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That she can do anything, and doesn\u2019t have to do anything.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve been told many times that I can\u2019t change the world<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve proved that I can.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was given the chance to be a mum and to bring a new life into this world.<\/p>\n

And if that life is more aware and better than the standards that ruled before, if that isn\u2019t changing the world, then I don\u2019t know what is.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I did it. So can you.<\/p>\n

Warmly,<\/p>\n

S-Mama<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As the mum of a girl, I don\u2019t even know […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6194,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[858,828],"tags":[2487,894,896,1362,4278],"class_list":["post-6199","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-texts","category-witch","tag-gender-stereotypes","tag-good-girl-syndrome-en","tag-patriarchy-en","tag-people-pleasing","tag-raising-girls"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGood Girl Syndrome: Why Being \u201cGood\u201d Hurts Girls<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Be quiet. Be obedient. Don\u2019t push back. 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